Okay, so on the heels of the #MeToo movement, I've seen a lot of posts from women (and a few men) and how things have happened with men. Don't get me wrong here, I'm 100% NOT saying anything about those victims or what they've been through (it's all quite horrifying); rather, this is a perspective from the female side of this blog post and a discussion about looking at ourselves. I'm also going to touch on the comments made on this post from Facebook because that matters, too.
Yes, ourselves.
Women. Powerful. Strong. Capable.
Sadly, we're also often complete hypocrites. I don't believe all men are pigs and all women are lily-white, innocent bystanders. On the contrary, I know women can be just as bad as men when it comes to thoughts and actions.
It's not often you run across a post from a man about being sexually assaulted by a woman, but it happens. A lot more than you may think. Most times, people assume the man has the same thoughts as the guy in the post referenced above.
But what if they don't?
What if a woman is acting in a way that makes a man uncomfortable? What if he feels the pressure to say yes even though what he wants to say is no?
I've seen men run from women, firsthand, because they were all over the guy and he was not into them. I've heard first-hand accounts from men who decided (at the last minute) they didn't want to have sex, and the woman they were with screamed, cried, and (sometimes) hit the guy for saying no.
Is that okay because the genders are reversed?
I've seen a group of married women groping a man (he was eating it up at the time), but also hear those same women complain about how their husbands look at other women.
But I have yet to hear from the men about all of this. Are they as ashamed as all those women were before the #MeToo movement started? According to the article referenced in the blog post, that seems to be exactly what it is.
If you say no, you're not a man.
I can hear you all saying how crazy this is. Of course guys want aggressive women, right? Actually, that's not the case most of the time. Yeah, there are shy guys who need a little coaxing out of their shells, but that doesn't give women the right to shove their tongues down his throat or grope him in public (or private if he's saying no).
But that's what most women have been ingrained with.
You have to be aggressive or you risk losing the man.
If you lose the man because you can't behave like a lady, so what? A man that's worth it will be there whether you're aggressive or not. You don't want a man to touch you unless you're into it, so don't assume a man wants you to touch him.
This brings me to the post on Facebook that's referenced above.
She's wearing an alluring outfit. That's going to get attention, no matter where you go or who you are. She's probably aware of that. What she's not doing is giving consent for sexual acts by dressing that way. Is she aware men will look at her? Uh, yeah. Does she have to put up with men touching her? Should she expect that? Absolutely not.
Men are not creatures that cannot control themselves when presented with an alluring, scantily-clad woman.
On the contrary, men think and can be taught. Just like women. No, ladies, guys don't want you pawing them. Look all you want, but don't touch unless given permission.
Sadly, sex sells. Just look at the covers of romance novels. They don't even have to be erotica. We, as women, flock to these books because of the attractive male bodies on the front. Now, I want you to think about something:
Would you be okay with your husband ogling a half-naked (or fully nude) woman?
Most women (and there are exceptions to this, as there are with everything--you can't make blanket statements, and I get that) aren't okay with that. These actions are where the hypocrisy comes in. Those women want to be able to do it, but they don't want their husbands doing it.
That's not the way any of this works.
It's never "do as I say and not as I do." If you want someone to do something, you need to be 100% willing to do the same thing. Never ask something of another person that you're not willing to do yourself. This goes for both genders.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Period. It's not a difficult concept. Act with integrity always. ALWAYS. Seems so simple, yet it also seems such a foreign concept for so many people. *sigh*
Personally, I'd like to hear the mens' stories, too. I know they exist because I've heard them first hand. I haven't seen more than a couple handfuls on social media (even when I search the hashtag). That guy in the post above makes a lot of sense, but he doesn't give a woman's perspective (because he can't--he's a man).
Like the men have been told: She needs you to force it on her because she secretly wants it.
Women have been told: He always wants it; you just need to put it in his face.
I mean, what? It's the truth, but dear me, how did we get to this place? What broke? How do we fix it?
I'm just over all the women screaming from the rooftops and not hearing a peep from the men. There needs to be change on all sides of the issue, not just one. Until we have HONEST, open dialogue, not a lot is going to be done.
How about it, guys? Wanna hit me with a story? Feel free to post without a name. I'll still click publish!
What do you ladies think? Have you witnessed things like this? Been part of them and now look back and have a question mark over your head? Tell me your story!
Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!
Jo
