Being Put in Impossible Situations

Happy Tuesday, everyone! Well, the kidlings here in Ga are back in school, and that means Mommy can finally concentrate on things she needs to do without interruptions. While my child is good about not coming into my office when she knows I'm working, she's still a kid. Sometimes, she just can't help herself. But yay to being back on track. This post isn't about all that, however. Today, I'm going to talk about something I hate: being put in an impossible situation. Ready? Let's get going.

My definition of an impossible situation, for purposes of this post, is one where if I do one thing, I look like an ass, and if I do the other, I compromise my core values, allow myself to be deeply hurt or disappointed, or let people take advantage of me. Either way, as you can see, it's lose/lose. As you read, keep that in mind.

I've had sessions with counselors in which I'm told I have a very good sense of self-awareness, but that I need to be firmer with people. I should tell them when they hurt or disappoint me. For example: I know what it was that hurt me and why, but I can't bring myself to address it with someone else because I'm afraid of hurting them even though they've hurt me already. Oftentimes, I find myself commiserating with characters I see in movies that do stupid stuff, those folks that no one but me seems to understand, and I end up feeling badly for them.

Why is this?

Well, while talking out a situation one time, it was pointed out that I'm a giver with a very high core value of integrity, and while I never believed I expected anything in return, that wasn't quite the case.

I believed that if I gave and was honest, I would get loyalty in return. Now, loyalty isn't friendship. A true friend is there because they genuinely like the person you are and respect you. Loyalty, however, can be earned and independent of friendship. Someone who is loyal doesn't necessarily have to like you.

I hold people to a very high standard of behavior that includes respect of me and my time along with a few other things I have a hard time compromising on.

Let me clarify: I don't do things so people do things in return for me. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying I give, and what I want in return is respect, thoughtfulness, and to not be put in impossible situations.

Here's one:
My son tells a friend they can stay over before asking me. I just took the kid all over town for school shopping, and I have three other kids in the house besides him. I'm just not in the mood to deal with someone else's child. I say no. He stands there and begs me, says he already invited the kid, and begs me some more. For every no, he has a reason it will work out, and he refuses to call the kid and tell them they can't come.

Okay, now I'm in an impossible situation. 1. ) I can either call the kid's parents and tell them the kid can't come, or 2. ) I can give in and be miserable all night. Several things eat at me about both of those options (please know I realize we'll all react differently to these things--these are my opinions and feelings--they may not make sense to you): 1. ) This option makes me look like a terrible parent (an ass) who can't keep their kids under control and it disappoints another child who might have been looking forward to something. It also has the likelihood of ruining the other set of parents plans they may have made with the expectation their child would be gone for the night. 2. ) If I give in to my kid, I reinforce that he can beg and get his way. Worse, I allow him to have control over me. I would be tired and grumpy, and I'd have yet another mouth to feed, another kid to clean up after, and another someone in my house (this alone causes me stress).

There are so many of these examples that I could throw down here, but I'm not going into all that. Today, I'm trying to get you to think about yourself and maybe even your characters' situations. It can be cathartic to write about people who behave in a different manner than you, but be careful to dig deeply and show why the character is the way they are to your reader. If you'd just read the beginning, without understanding why I reacted the way I did, you probably would've said that you'd stick to your no and be done with it. Hell, maybe you'd still say that. But this is showing you what it might be like via the inner turmoil of another.

I hate disappointing people or making them feel badly about something they've done. I also can't stand being selfish. It eats at me. So, when it comes to me standing up for myself, oftentimes, folks have no idea they've hurt me--even when it's deeply--because I move forward and pretend like everything is okay (this is especially true if they can't see me--if they can, they'll see the tears, but I'll insist everything is fine unless pushed, and then I tend to explode because I'm trying really hard to keep it under control--lose/lose) or I end up just ignoring them because I know I'll hurt their feelings if I say something.

My issue is that I expect other people to be as careful with my feelings as I am with theirs. This is what I refer to as loyalty.

I'm working on it.

What are yours? What do you think of the above? Do you have this issue? Do any of your characters? How did you show it?

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Author Souls on Paper

Happy Monday, good people of the blogosphere! Today, I'm gonna talk about something I've noticed more over the last few books I've read and why these things have suddenly come to my attention. I still find it awesome how conferences and interaction with other authors has changed the way I feel when I read now. Anywho, you ready? Grab a cup of coffee (or tea) and let's get going!

I got on an airplane Friday to go to my daughter's bridal shower. While traveling, I always have a paperback handy (it makes flight attendants less nervous than me having my iPad or iPhone out, so I get left alone) so I can read and not get roped into conversations with seatmates.

This trip, I took a book I won at Utopia back in June: Honey Queen by Christina Mercer. I'll have a review later in the week, but I want to talk about many books right now, not just that one.

If you remember my review of Lex Talionis, I talked about the protagonist and how awesome she was. Same with Twisted, Never Forgotten, and the Tala Prophecy series. As different as these books were, I realized something after meeting the authors:

They've put their inner desires, their very souls, on paper for the world to see. I know more about the authors because I've read the words they wrote. Sometimes, it was before I met them in person, and sometimes, it was afterward. But each story held a nugget of what the author believed in, their inner strengths, and their core values.

I wonder if people get that from books they read? 

As I sat and thought about it, I realized I probably know, on a very soulful level, so many authors. I get a wonderful idea of the values they hold, and I can see what they're fighting for with their words. I've also seen authors grow as they write, becoming more like the characters on the page. Through those characters, the authors seem to grow out of their shells and take on some of their characters' traits: strength, outgoing personalities, bravery, and even self-awareness.

Perhaps this is why we feel our books are a lot like our children, and it might explain the reaction we have to negative reviews. Do we feel as though we're being judged because we've poured so much of ourselves into the story?

It's been eye-opening, for sure. It also made me think about my own books. Can people see the me on the inside as they read my stories?

Do you think you know what makes me tick? What story (or stories) of mine were the culprits?

I'm dying of curiosity over here.

Look forward to the review of Honey Queen later in the week. You'll be seeing a lot more book reviews over the next few months as I gear up to clear out and restock my virtual shelves in December. Yeah, baby!

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Being Emo - Emotional Triggers for Creating Rich Characters

Happy Tuesday! As the title of the post implies, today I'll be talking about emotional triggers you can (and should) use for your characters. As a writer, you're a student of human nature. Let's put those studies to use in your writing so people can identify with your MC. Ready? Grab those pens and notebooks and let's get going!

I often wonder why writers of an older generation have books that scream at readers with such truthiness. Now, I'm not saying younger folks can't write deep novels (because they can, and do), but those little sparks of talent are rare and have likely been cultivated. Many people tend to take up writing when they're in their late twenties or early thirties.

Why?

Because they've lived it. They have a greater well of life stuff to draw precious words and experiences from. Don't you love sitting and talking with older people? Listening to their stories is like reading a really great book that answers questions you want to ask. A teenager who's lived a normal life (no abuse or bullying or anything like that--you get my point) will find this more difficult.

So why am I bringing all this up?

Today is about emotional triggers. Older folk have more of these to draw on simply because they've been in the world longer and experienced more. Reading about something and feeling/living it are two different things. No matter how engrossed in a book you are, you never really know everything that was going on around the character or in their past. That novel would be like War and Peace. When you live it, you can draw on it more readily.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying only older people can do this exercise; I'm saying their lists will be longer--and probably easier--and that's okay. I just don't want you to be daunted or frustrated if you have nothing for a particular item. This could open up an opportunity for you to talk to someone else and listen to what they have to say about the emotion.

Exploring your character in depth like this can lead to a more rounded individual on the page. Heck, this may help a younger generation of writers hit that ever-elusive personified character we all strive for. Either way, it'll help you get to know your MC.

There will probably be more than one answer for each of these, but try to think of just one the first time through.

Here's the list:

• Shame - When did the character feel shame? Why? How has it shaped them?
• Joy - Yup, that moment when they felt they could fly without wings. What happened afterward?
• Fear - This is a big one because it fuels a lot of the ways we perceive ourselves. Insecurities can arise from fear. What change did it cause in your character?
• Guilt - Another big one. Carrying around guilt can cause your character to react a certain way in a specific situation. How heavy is the burden? Will they ever admit it?
• Love - When did they feel it the first time? How did it shape their perception?
• Failure - Will your character give up after a huge let down? What was it and how did they push through?
• Courage - What were they facing when they showed courage? Did they succeed or fail? How did that shape them?
• Forgiveness - There's always that one screwup. Who was the forgiver? Did it make the character stop and think about holding a grudge with someone else later on?
• Rage - How did they internalize it? Did they? What were the repercussions if they acted out?
• Indignation - Someone pushing the character to do something they refuse to do? What prompted it? Why didn't the character take part? Moral code?
• Sorrow - Profoundly. Stemming from death of a loved one. How did they deal with it?

I know that's a long list, but it'll give you some fodder to draw on as you write your story. You don't have to reveal all of them (remember that comment above about a book being different from a life?), but you'll have a better grasp of who your character truly is if you give them all the emotional baggage.

Have you ever done an exercise like this? How did you fare with this one?

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo