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You all know what I'm about to talk about! Those pesky little things we call adverbs! Let's start with a definition:

Ad•verb (ˈadˌvərb): Noun. A word or phrase that modifies or qualifies an adjective, verb, or other adverb or a phrase, expressing a relation of place, time.

Your writing quality will increase ten-fold if you learn to cut out as many adverbs as possible. Why? Because you don't need them to get a point across if you do the job of setting the scene the way you should. I have a few exceptions I'll discuss after I give some examples of adverb removal.

Let's start with an example of a block of text with adverbs intact:

Sarah tugged on Mark's shirt roughly. "Mark! Look! What is that?" she whispered softly. Her hands dropped off his shoulders quickly and she stuffed them unceremoniously into her pockets before squeezing her eyes shut tightly. The thing hovering over the trees was less than fifty feet from them and Sarah's heart began hammering quickly in her chest. She repressed the urge to scream loudly and swallowed thickly; trying to keep her nerves from taking over. (75 words)

Granted, that's a lot of adverbs. But I'm giving an example here. Too many? You'd be surprised how many people write like that. Let's try again with fewer adverbs:

Sarah tugged on Mark's shirt. "Mark! Look! What is that?" she whispered. Her hands dropped off his shoulders and she stuffed them unceremoniously into her pockets before squeezing her eyes shut tightly. The thing hovering over the trees was less than fifty feet from them and Sarah's heart began hammering in her chest. She repressed the urge to scream and swallowed thickly; trying to keep her nerves from taking over. (70 words)

Okay. That's better, right? But we can make it even better! Let's remove them all and then I'll explain why they aren't needed in either of the examples above:

Sarah tugged on Mark's shirt. "Mark! Look! What is that?" she whispered. Her hands dropped off his shoulders and she stuffed them into her pockets before squeezing her eyes shut. The thing hovering over the trees was less than fifty feet from them and Sarah's heart began hammering in her chest. She repressed the urge to scream and swallowed; trying to keep her nerves from taking over. (67 words)

That's EIGHT words out of a paragraph. When an editor asks you to pare your work down, try removing only the adverbs and see how many words you can cut out with that single act. How many paragraphs in a chapter? You do the math.

Why did I remove all those adverbs? Time to explain, huh? Here I go, line by line:

1. Sarah tugged on Mark's shirt roughly. Does it really matter how she tugged on his shirt? We're going to understand she's scared in this paragraph. No need to tell your reader how to think.
2. "Mark! Look! What is that?" she whispered softly. Is there any other way to whisper? However, this is an exception line. If you prefer, you could write she said softly and that would indicate a whisper. But, my thought on that is, why use two words where one will do?
3. Her hands dropped off his shoulders quickly and she stuffed them unceremoniously into her pockets before squeezing her eyes shut tightly. Your reader doesn't need to know how fast she dropped her hands. There is no other way to stuff one's hands in one's pockets other than unceremoniously and, I don't know about you, but if I squeeze my eyes shut, it's always tightly. Redundant words. Remove them.
4. The thing hovering over the trees was less than fifty feet from them and Sarah's heart began hammering quickly in her chest. Does your heart hammer and not feel like it's pounding at 50mph in your chest?
5. She repressed the urge to scream loudly and swallowed thickly; trying to keep her nerves from taking over. Again, to tell someone she is going to scream loudly is redundant. That's like saying I'm  a little bit pregnant. Either you are or you aren't, there's no in-between state. If you must, the one adjective I could see leaving in is thickly. But, as you can see in the example without the word, it isn't needed.

When in doubt, take it out!

Did this help you at all? Come back next week when I discuss sentence construction and rewording! I'll keep using the example of text above and we'll see how far down we can pare it without losing the gist of what it's saying. Sounds fun, huh?

What else about storytelling would you like to see discussed on my blog?

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Flashbacks

Perhaps this should be titled Flashbacks, Flashforwards, and Flashing in General? Today, good people of the blogosphere, we will be discussing memories, dreams, and thoughts. Read on and enjoy!

There are a ton of ways to do a flashback when writing a novel. But you don't want to take your reader out of the tale and inundate them with backstory. You'll find they skip over those parts; that's bad. So let's discuss ways to make your flashbacks and such important as well as give a few ideas on how to work them in.

Leading up to the flashback, there should be some reason it's about to occur. This could be the character standing immobilized with fear or could be that he/she sees something that sparks a memory. It's the words leading up to the flashback, dream, or inner-dialogue that will keep your reader engaged.

Explain, don't tell. Flashbacks, dreams, or inner-dialogue could go in italics to remind your reader that they're in the head of the character. Some people prefer to put an extra space before and after and just leave them in regular type. I, personally, prefer both reading and writing these scenes in italics. But there must be good transition in order to keep my attention.

I'll use examples from a couple of my books.

In Yassa, when young Genghis Khan has a dream, they are almost always telling the future and are usually terrifying. So, instead of writing that he fell asleep and is about to have a dream about it, I write that his head hit the pillow and he was seized by the terror of a nightmare. Then the dream sequence begins and I put it all in italics. To make it relevant, later on I tell that happenings occur just as they did in his dream. Those dreams are never boring and always leave my hero either with residual feelings or a call to action when he wakes up. This is what I call a flashforward. Unless you're writing about someone who is clairvoyant (as Genghis believed he was), this won't work.

I do the same with Markaza in Mystic.

I don't use it at all in The Abigale Chronicles series for two reasons: 1. I begin book one at the beginning of all the craziness and 2. I don't want the reader to know if Abigale is dreaming or not - the mystery is half the fun!!

Inner-dialogue also goes into italics in my books; just to let the reader know this isn't something that's being said, rather something that's being thought.

Flashbacks work the same way. If you're going to give a flashback, the reader should understand why, who it's about, and what time period it takes place in.

A good example would be if a character is remembering something traumatic from childhood. This memory could be sparked by him/her smelling a rose and having a flashback of a friend who died and had roses on their coffin that smelled the same way. This character may close their eyes and remember every detail of that funeral (including at what time it took place) but it should be no more than a few paragraphs and there should be an emotional reaction in the present that justifies the memory's significance. Perhaps the rose they smell is then ripped to shreds and the character cries for their loss while babbling about it to a stranger. It must be relevant in that it shapes an action or explains something about the character's behavior in the here and now.

Flashbacks should be short and are different from a step-back through time which can be whole chapters with no need for italics.

Inner-dialogue should be treated the same way. If the character is thinking something, don't pull the reader out of the here and now to deliver it. Work it in with the current happenings.

I hope this helps explain a few things about flashbacks, dreams, and thoughts.

Any questions? What's your take? How do you work in flashbacks, dreams, or inner-dialogue?

On a totally unrelated note, my daughter used a word incorrectly yesterday that made me correct her a couple of times. She used the word ideal instead of idea when she was talking about a thought a character in a book we were reading had. Granted she's only six, but better to squash that word butchering out of her now. It's difficult being my kid!!

Tomorrow, we discuss those pesky things known as adjectives!! To use, or not to use? Come on back to find out how to delete them with zero consequences!!

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Week 13: The Next Big Thing

Welcome to The Next Big Thing Blog Hop! By hopping through the blogs on my page, you’ll have the opportunity to discover some great new authors and read about some great new books coming soon. I encourage you to visit as many as possible.

I was tagged by Mr. Robert Chazz Chute of Chazz Writes.

Without further ado, let’s get going!

My ten questions and answers:

What is the working title of your book?

There are two: Mystic ~ Lily and The Abigale Chronicles – Book Three. This is a doubly special blog post because it's also a cover reveal for The Abigale Chronicles.

Where did the idea come from for the book?

The idea for Lily came from the idea for the whole Mystic series. I wanted a strong woman with values that were solid. When she breaks down and betrays those values because of her situation, it gives me an opportunity to show how one can recover from a fall. All my characters in this series are strong women who fight through tough times and make a pact to change the world. I want to speak to people and make them consider a different point of view for once.

As for The Abigale Chronicles, my six-year-old daughter gave me the idea. I write the series for her and she requested (very politely) that there be dragons, fairies, princesses, and knights. So, for the third book in the Abigale series, I gave her exactly what she asked for. She giggled a lot while we read it.

What genre does your book fall under?

Lily falls under the genres paranormal and urban fiction while The Abigale Chronicles are chapter books for young readers.

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

Wow! What a great question! I would have to say, for Lily, she would be played by either Sara Paxton or Hayden Panettiere (of course, if Hayden, she would need some way to look much taller, perhaps) and Markaza would be played by Hailee Steinfeld because she has that edgy look. Elisabeth Moss for Shelia and Cobie Smulders for Bronya. For Abigale, Emma Furhman and for Emmett, Max Records.

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

Mystic ~ Lily: The second of six women, one battle to save the world.

The Abigale Chronicles – Book Three: A dragon, a princess, and a knight fight all odds to give the one true gift: kindness to another.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

They will both be self-published.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

It took me three weeks to write Lily and a week and a half to write Abigale.

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

There are no other books like these that I’ve found. If you see some, point me that way, please.

Who or What inspired you to write this book?

My daughter inspired me to write The Abigale Chronicles.

The hate in the world inspired me to write the Mystic books. I feel like I have a voice inside of me struggling to get out and change perception. Tolerance and judgement of others are topics I have strong opinions on.

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

This installment of The Abigale Chronicles has lots of humor for children. My daughter cracked up when the dragon burped and set things on fire.

Mystic deals with tolerance of people that make life choices that are different. I hope people really pay attention to the unique chance they have to see the world through someone else’s eyes. If you know anyone (or been through it yourself) who’s dealt with being homosexual and hidden, depressed, disfigured, addicted to drugs, anorexic, abused as a child, or anyone who’s made that difficult decision to have an abortion, you’ll “get” this series. It will speak to you.

You can find the first book in the Mystic series here: Mystic ~ Bronya

Now the links for my five fellow bloggers:

Heather Topham Wood of Heather's book Chatter

Sandi Tuttle of An Average Woman in a Superwoman World

Beth Jones of The Hungry Freelancer

Becky Fyfe of Imagine! Create! Write!

Crystal Lee of Crystal Lee ~ Author

I hope you've all enjoyed this blog for The Next Big Thing Blog Hop. Keep going and meet some other wonderful authors!!

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Pesky Pronouns

Today I'm gonna talk about her. You know, she, him, it. Let's get to it.

A pronoun is a reference to the last person named in the text. If you use the word she after saying Abigale's mother, or her mother, whatever you put after the word she is referencing, not Abigale, but her mother.

Examples:

Abigale flew into her mother's arms and buried her head in the crook of her arm. This is incorrect. Even though it may sound okay in your head, it's wrong.

What you're saying is Abigale flew into her mother's arms and buried her mother's head in the crook of her mother's arm.

What you wanted to say is (and you have to reword or it sounds ridiculous): Louise's arms caught Abigale as she flew into them and buried her head. This is correct.

Now, if you have Abigale and Emmett both in the sentence, it's okay to use he and she because we know who the last gender named was.

Abigale and Emmett were walking through the woods at a good pace when she suddenly stopped and turned to him. She said, "Emmett, stop stepping on my shoes!" This is correct.

Let's throw another boy into the mix now.

Abigale, Emmett, and Mark were walking through the woods at a good pace when she suddenly stopped and turned to him. She said, "Emmett, stop stepping on my shoes!" This is incorrect. If she wanted to speak to Emmett, he either should have been listed last or the pronoun should have been them.

Am I confusing you yet? I thought I might be.

I have a simple trick to examine a sentence (you will thank me someday, I hope):

Wherever he, she, it, them, they, her, his, their, its, etc... appears, go back through the sentence and replace the pronoun with the name of the last person named. If it still reads the way you meant for it to, you are correct. If it doesn't, some rewording is in order.

If I used it on the example above with the three children, it would read like this:

Abigale, Emmett, and Mark were walking through the woods at a good pace when Abigale suddenly stopped and turned to Mark. Abigale said, "Emmett, stop stepping on my shoes!"

It reads wrong. She should be turning to Emmett. See how easy that was to find?

Now, there are times I misplace my pronouns (it's SOOOO easy to do!) but I thought I'd share a little bit of info and maybe a tip to help you in your personal editing journey. Many times, you'll find you have to reword a whole sentence to make it work with your pronouns. But take the time to do that. You won't be sorry.

Tomorrow, I'm participating in a blog hop about the next big thing. You'll get to hear about Mystic ~ Lily, and The Abigale Chronicles - Book Three (and see the cover! yay!). If you don't have a copy of Mystic ~ Bronya yet, you need to go pick one up! If you haven't read The Abigale Chronicles - Book One or Book Two with your kids yet, what are you waiting for? Those little beauties are just $1.99 on Kindle and just $5.99 for the paperbacks!

Thursday, I'm discussing  thoughts, flashbacks, and flashforwards and tips on not confusing your readers when you write those scenes. If you have a topic you'd like to see on Friday, let me know in the comments!

Did this help anyone or did I leave you more confused? What else would you like to see?

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Dialogue Tags vs. Action Tags

I read an interesting blog post lately about dialogue tags and action tags. What is the difference? If you don't already know this, dialogue tags are the ones that require commas and action tags are the ones that don't.

According to the blog, a dialogue tag is telling that a person said, whispered, screamed, asked, or responded.

Action tags are things the person does. Words like flirted, smiled, teased, growled, etc...

You can read the article here. She gives some great examples, too!!

I think there is an exception to this rule when working with animals that speak. Hear me out before you go all argumentative on me, okay?

In The Abigale Chronicles - Book Three, I have a dragon named Glinx that talks (he also burps fire but that's another story). I believe that he could growl a statement as only a dragon could do.

If I had a horse that talked, could he not whinny or neigh a response? A fairy could tinkle or trill a response, right?

Dialogue tags have their place. PLEASE don't ever stop using them!! I'm one of those people that gets lost four lines into a good chunk of dialogue if they aren't tagged with the speaker now and then. Children's books should have more tags than adult novels because kids get lost more easily than adults. Where an adult novel needs one only every four or five lines, a children's book needs a dialogue or action tag every couple of lines.

As a reader, I'll tell you, I do not mind a he said, she said, or an Abigale said, Glinx roared every couple of lines. I like to know who is doing what. Tell me!

Tomorrow, I'm gonna talk about pronouns - those pesky little words like he, she, they, them, it, hers, and his. I find misuse of them everywhere. Sure, we all have a tendency to stick an erroneous one in there now and then, but that's what proofreaders and editors are for, right? Even then, some get missed, I admit. But perhaps raising awareness will help someone, somewhere, construct better prose.

Is there a topic you find you have trouble with that you'd like clarification on? If yes, leave me a comment and let me know!!

Keep an eye out for The Abigale Chronicles - Book Three on September 25, 2012!! Cover reveal and synopsis reveal this week! If you don't have Book One or Book Two yet, what are you waiting for? Click the titles to pick them up! Just $1.99 each on Kindle!

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Notes on Interior Book Design

Since I've started buying more indie books, I'm noticing a scary trend: incorrect interior formatting.

Now, you might wonder why this is a problem, right? Because, while we are indie, we don't want to look indie. We are competing with publishing houses with big-name designers on their side. We need to look just as good as the competition.

Go grab a copy of a book you've bought at a brick and mortar. I'll wait...

You back already? Cool, let's move on.

OPEN the book to the end paper. Oooooh pretty!! We don't have those as indies, but notice how pretty they are? Usually only on the hardback versions!! Drat.

Now turn the page. Note what's there. A title, right? Sometimes the author's name as well (but not always).

Note what's NOT there: running header or page number.

Flip through the rest of the front matter. Note what's missing: running headers and page numbers (sometimes, these pages ARE numbered but always with roman numerals and not PAGE 1, 2, 3, etc...).

Stop on the contents page. Note there is a list of the chapter titles with page numbers. Note what's missing.

Now, I've found that, with CreateSpace, putting in page numbers is NOT a good idea until you upload the manuscript and assure the page numbers match what you have. This must sometimes be tweaked and tested again.

Let me be very VERY forward here: PAGE ONE IS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ON THE RIGHT HAND SIDE AND STARTS ON THE FIRST PAGE OF YOUR STORY. If you have to leave a blank page, DO IT. Please.

You need running headers and page numbers. They are part of what makes your book a book and not a glued-together mess of pages. Your interior file should be a whole separate beast from your ebook file!

You can find all of this advice and more in my book, The Indie Author's Guide to: Building a Great Book. It's just $2.99 on Amazon for Kindle. That's pocket change. I could have priced it higher, but I'm trying to help, not rob. If you want to look as professional as possible, click the title and go get a copy. You won't be disappointed. You need that book to prevent mistakes like the ones listed above.

If you don't want to do it, contact me. I'll do it for a fee.

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Homo WHATS?

Happy Thursday, everyone!!

Today, I'm going to talk about a topic close to my heart: proper word usage.

We have all heard of homophones, right? No, that's not a gay telephone, it's a term used to describe two words that sound exactly alike but have different meanings.

I'm going to give a few examples. Yay!

peek vs. peak
peek means a quick and typically furtive look.
peak means to reach a highest point, either of a specified value or at a specified time.

Both are pronounced the same but have very different meanings. Here's another few...

days vs. daze
days means a period of twenty-four hours as a unit of time, reckoned from one midnight to the next, corresponding to a rotation of the earth on its axis.
daze means a state of stunned confusion or bewilderment.

rack vs. wrack
rack means a framework, typically with rails, bars, hooks, or pegs, for holding or storing things OR to cause extreme physical or mental pain to; subject to extreme stress.
wrack means a wrecked ship; a shipwreck.
also see: http://www.dailywritingtips.com/wracking-or-racking-your-brain/

patients vs. patience
patients means a person receiving or registered to receive medical treatment.
patience means the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

You can see how misuse of a homophone can really buggar up a story. It makes your prose take on a whole new meaning when you confuse a word. This is why an editor is such an important step in preparing a work for publication. They will ensure your words are used in an appropriate manner. Check those manuscripts for homophones! Don't be afraid of them, learn them all!!

Here's a great site that lists them from A-Z: http://www.homophone.com/index.php

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo