Pronouns in Dialogue

Happy Thursday, good people of the blogosphere! Today, I'm gonna talk to you about pronouns in dialogue and how they impact the way you use them outside speech. I've been over pronouns twice thus far, but this little tidbit needs to be added. I didn't want to confuse everyone by putting this information in with the other pronoun posts, so I'm making one all its own. Grab your pens and notebooks and join me for a quick lesson! Warning! This post seems long, but it's a lot of the same stuff written over and over again. A necessary evil, I'm afraid.

Remember, your pronouns are: he, him, she, it, its, they, their, them, they're, hers, and his.

Now, when you're writing a scene, the pronoun refers to the last person or thing named.

Learn more here and here.

There are caveats to this, though. First, when we speak, we usually don't use pronouns the right way. For example:
"Lisa told me last night Mel owes her money and isn't sure when she's gonna pay her back."

What a mess that is, right? But it makes sense when someone speaks that way. Why? Because that's what we're used to hearing. We get that Mel owes Lisa money and Lisa isn't sure when Mel is going to return said money. But to write the dialogue with proper pronouns, we'd have to rearrange it like this:
"Lisa told me last night she isn't sure when Mel's gonna pay back the money she owes."

That's okay, too, by the way; but don't beat yourself up over pronouns in dialogue. Above all else, you want speech to sound natural, not forced. So, pronouns in speech aren't something you need to be super vigilant about. Let it flow.

Second, when you're creating dialogue and you mention a name, you need to remove the speech to see who your pronoun is actually referring to. Also, the pronouns in speech are separate from the ones in text. This gets tricky, but I'll do my best to show you a couple of examples:
Susie looked at Byron and drummed her fingers on the desktop. "So, you're saying Lisa doesn't really like Mark?"
"That's what I'm saying. She's just using him to have a date to prom."
She gasped. "That's horrible!"
"You know how she is. How does that surprise you?" His eyebrow lifted and a smirk found its way onto his lips.
"I just never thought she'd be so crass." Her mouth turned down and her eyes shifted away. "It doesn't do to hurt people. Mel let it drop the other day that she thought her intentions weren't honorable. I just didn't believe her."
"Well, I'm telling you now, she's planning to make a big scene and leave him looking like an idiot at the end of the night." His hand found its way to hers in an attempt to offer comfort.
Sighing, she moved closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

Okay, now, you can see the mess we'd have if we followed traditional pronoun examples and tried to have everything include the dialogue. How do you check it? Like this:

#1 Delete the dialogue and highlight the pronouns.
Susie looked at Byron and drummed her fingers on the desktop. "So, you're saying Lisa doesn't really like Mark?"
"That's what I'm saying. She's just using him to have a date to prom."
She gasped. "That's horrible!"
"You know how she is. How does that surprise you?" His eyebrow lifted and a smirk found its way onto his lips.
"I just never thought she'd be so crass." Her mouth turned down and her eyes shifted away. "It doesn't do to hurt people. Mel let it drop the other day that she thought her intentions weren't honorable. I just didn't believe her."
"Well, I'm telling you now, she's planning to make a big scene and leave him looking like an idiot at the end of the night." His hand found its way to hers in an attempt to offer comfort.
Sighing, she moved closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

#2 Rewrite it.
Susie looked at Byron and drummed Susie's fingers on the desktop.

Susie gasped.
Byron's eyebrow lifted and a smirk found a smirk's way onto Byron's lips.
Susie's mouth turned down and Susie's eyes shifted away.
Byron's hand found Byron's hand's way to Susie's in an attempt to offer comfort.
Sighing, Susie moved closer to Byron and rested Susie's head on Byron's shoulder.

We know the passage is correct, because it reads like it's supposed to. If it didn't, we'd need to fix it.


Dialogue is independent of the text providing support. Is it possible to fix the pronoun issues in the dialogue? Yes. It can be done easily, but watch for forced speech. You don't wanna take something that works and tweak it until it sounds, well, tweaked. *grin* Proceed with caution.

One more example, and I'll let you go for the day. This time, we'll use four speakers and I'll make errors. See if you can find them before I go to the correction phase. GAME ON!

Lisa slapped Mark's hand before taking it in her own and tugging. "You're so silly sometimes. Let's go find Susie and Byron."
He grinned at her, loving the way she gave him love taps now and then, and let her pull him along.
"Lisa! Hey, girl. What are you guys up to?" Her speech was slurred and her eyes glassy.
"Sorry, guys, she's had a little bit to drink." Byron supported Susie with one arm while balancing two cups in the hand on the other.
She put her hands on her hips. "Aren't you gonna share?" One hand flew out, knocking the drinks off their perches. "There's Mel!"
"Lisa!"
"What?"
"You have zero class, you know that?"
"Oh, come on. Stop being such a ninny. Not my fault your girlfriend's sloshed. Would you look at her? I wonder where she got that dress?" She took off in Mel's direction without offering an apology.
Mark shrugged. "Sorry about that. She's kinda rude sometimes."
Glaring in her direction, he snorted. "Kinda rude? Sometimes? She's extremely rude always."
Feeling his face turn red, his mind began to wonder if he should punch the guy out to defend his girlfriend's honor. Deciding against it, he shrugged and started after her; anger boiling beneath the surface.

Ready? GO!

Done yet?

How about now?

Okay, your time's up. My turn! I'll show you why the passage is wrong, then correct it. Four steps this time.

#1: Remove dialogue
Lisa slapped Mark's hand before taking it in her own and tugging. "You're so silly sometimes. Let's go find Susie and Byron."
He grinned at her, loving the way she gave him love taps now and then, and let her pull him along.
"Lisa! Hey, girl. What are you guys up to?" Her speech was slurred and her eyes glassy.
"Sorry, guys, she's had a little bit to drink." Byron supported Susie with one arm while balancing two cups in the hand on the other.
She put her hands on her hips. "Aren't you gonna share?" One hand flew out, knocking the drinks off their perches. "There's Mel!"
"Lisa!"
"What?"
"You have zero class, you know that?"
"Oh, come on. Stop being such a ninny. Not my fault your girlfriend's sloshed. Would you look at her? I wonder where she got that dress?" She took off in Mel's direction without offering an apology.
Mark shrugged. "Sorry about that. She's kinda rude sometimes."
Glaring in her direction, he snorted. "Kinda rude? Sometimes? She's extremely rude always."
Feeling his face turn red, his mind began to wonder if he should punch the guy out to defend his girlfriend's honor. Deciding against it, he shrugged and started after her; anger boiling beneath the surface.

#2 Highlight the pronouns
Lisa slapped Mark's hand before taking it in her own and tugging.
He grinned at her, loving the way she gave him love taps now and then, and let her pull him along.
Her speech was slurred and her eyes glassy.
Byron supported Susie with one arm while balancing two cups in the hand on the other.
She put her hands on her hips. One hand flew out, knocking the drinks off their perches.
She took off in Mel's direction without offering an apology.Mark shrugged
Glaring in her direction, he snorted.
Feeling his face turn red, his mind began to wonder if he should punch the guy out to defend his girlfriend's honor. Deciding against it, he shrugged and started after her; anger boiling beneath the surface.

#3 Replace the pronouns
Lisa slapped Mark's hand before taking Mark's hand in Lisa's own and tugging.
Mark grinned at Lisa, loving the way Lisa gave Mark love taps now and then, and let Lisa pull Mark along.
Lisa's speech was slurred and Lisa's eyes glassy.
Byron supported Susie with one arm while balancing two cups in the hand on the other.
Susie put Susie's hands on Susie's hips. One hand flew out, knocking the drinks off the drinks' perches.
Susie took off in Mel's direction without offering an apology.Mark shrugged
Glaring in Mel's direction, Mark snorted.
Feeling Mark's face turn red, Mark's mind began to wonder if Mark should punch the guy out to defend the guy's girlfriend's honor. Deciding against defending honor, the guy shrugged and started after the guy's girlfriend; anger boiling beneath the surface.

#4 Repair
Lisa slapped Mark's hand before taking it in her own and tugging. "You're so silly sometimes. Let's go find Susie and Byron."
He grinned at her, loving the way she gave him love taps now and then, and let her pull him along.
"Lisa! Hey, girl. What are you guys up to?" Susie's speech was slurred and her eyes glassy.
"Sorry, guys, she's had a little bit to drink." Byron supported her with one arm while balancing two cups in the hand on the other.
Lisa put her hands on her hips. "Aren't you gonna share?" One hand flew out, knocking the drinks off their perches. "There's Mel!"
"Lisa!"
"What?"
"You have zero class, you know that?"
"Oh, come on. Stop being such a ninny. Not my fault your girlfriend's sloshed. Would you look at Mel? I wonder where she got that dress?" She took off in Mel's direction without offering an apology.
Mark shrugged. "Sorry about that. She's kinda rude sometimes."
Glaring in Lisa's direction, Byron snorted. "Kinda rude? Sometimes? She's extremely rude always."
Mark felt his face turn red, and his mind began to wonder if he should punch the guy out to defend Lisa's honor. Deciding against it, Mark shrugged and started after her; anger boiling beneath the surface.

Blue marks what I changed to make the passage correct. I know it seems like a lot of work; but if you take the time to learn how to recognize these things, it'll become second nature and move fast.

How about you? Did you get anything out of this post? How many errors did you find in the example?

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Pronouns - Round Two

Happy Thursday, everyone! I know you're all excited about the approaching weekend, but stay with me today. I'm going over one of the most common errors in writing (again). Why am I bothering to write about it now if I already wrote a post about it last year? Well, because that one got a little buried in the sand (archives) and it's something every author needs to be aware of. Misuse of pronouns is the thing I find most often when editing or reading; and, I'm sorry to admit, the one error I make consistently when writing. Ready? Grab those pens and notebooks and let's get going!

First off: What's a pronoun?

A pronoun is a word that's used to replace a noun. He, his, him, she, her, hers, it, its (no apostrophe), their, they, they're, and theirs are the ones to watch out for.

When should you become hyper-aware of pronouns?

Anytime you're following up naming a person or thing by using a pronoun.

Examples of misplaced pronouns:
Larry looked into his dad's eyes. He noted the sadness there, and wondered if his mind was on the task they were doing. His hands dug into the soft dirt like they had for the last thirty years. Would he ever get used to seeing him this way? Grabbing a handkerchief from the toolbox, Larry used it to wipe his face.

Quickly! How many misplaced pronouns were in that paragraph?

I'll give you a moment to look it over.

Done yet?

Answer: Four out of ten are incorrect.

To find the ones that are wrong, we replace each pronoun with the last person or thing named. I'm going to number the pronouns so we can discuss after, keep the ones that refer to Larry's dad as "Dad," and break it down once I'm done. Errors are bold.

Larry looked into (1.his)Larry's dad's eyes. (2.He)Dad noted the sadness there, and wondered if (3.his)Dad's mind was on the task (4.they)Dad's eyes were doing. (5.His) Dad's hands dug into the soft dirt like (6.they) Dad's hands had for the last thirty years. Would (7.he) Dad ever get used to seeing (8.him) Dad this way? Grabbing a handkerchief from the toolbox, Larry used (9.it)the toolbox to wipe (10.his)Larry's face.

1. His - Right. Because we're talking about Larry's dad. Larry was the last person named.
2. He - Wrong. It's Larry who noted the sadness in his dad's eyes.
3. His - Right. We are referring to Dad, even though Larry should've been the last person named.
4. They - Wrong. Eyes can't dig in the dirt and they were the last plural noun.
5. His - Right. We are talking about Dad's hands.
6. They - Right. Dad's hands had dug in the dirt for the last thirty years.
7. He - Wrong. We should be referring to Larry, not Dad.
8. Him - Right. We do mean Dad.
9. It - Wrong. This should be the handkerchief, not the toolbox. I can't imagine wiping my face with a toolbox.
10. His - Right. We do mean Larry's face.

Ugh! Right?

So, how do we fix it? There are many ways. Here's one:
Larry looked into his dad's eyes, noting the sadness there, and wondered if his mind was on the task at hand. His fingers dug into the soft dirt like they had for the last thirty years. Larry wasn't sure he'd ever get used to seeing the strain staring back at him from those eyes. Grabbing a handkerchief, he used it to wipe his face.

If you have to include the toolbox, do so before the word handkerchief: Reaching into the toolbox, he grabbed a handkerchief and used it to wipe his face.

It's all about wording and construction. I know you probably think pronouns are the least of your worries, but a little bit of attention paid to this tiny thing will help your book tremendously in the long run.

These are rules that can't readily be broken without seriously confusing the crap out of your reader. Now that you know what to look for, scroll back up and read the first paragraph again without the breakdown.

Heck, I know I miss a couple when editing my own work or the work of other people; that's to be expected. I find errors like that in traditionally published books, too (though few and far between). But four in one paragraph?

How about you? Have you become pronoun proficient? Or did this post teach you something new?

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Pesky Pronouns

Today I'm gonna talk about her. You know, she, him, it. Let's get to it.

A pronoun is a reference to the last person named in the text. If you use the word she after saying Abigale's mother, or her mother, whatever you put after the word she is referencing, not Abigale, but her mother.

Examples:

Abigale flew into her mother's arms and buried her head in the crook of her arm. This is incorrect. Even though it may sound okay in your head, it's wrong.

What you're saying is Abigale flew into her mother's arms and buried her mother's head in the crook of her mother's arm.

What you wanted to say is (and you have to reword or it sounds ridiculous): Louise's arms caught Abigale as she flew into them and buried her head. This is correct.

Now, if you have Abigale and Emmett both in the sentence, it's okay to use he and she because we know who the last gender named was.

Abigale and Emmett were walking through the woods at a good pace when she suddenly stopped and turned to him. She said, "Emmett, stop stepping on my shoes!" This is correct.

Let's throw another boy into the mix now.

Abigale, Emmett, and Mark were walking through the woods at a good pace when she suddenly stopped and turned to him. She said, "Emmett, stop stepping on my shoes!" This is incorrect. If she wanted to speak to Emmett, he either should have been listed last or the pronoun should have been them.

Am I confusing you yet? I thought I might be.

I have a simple trick to examine a sentence (you will thank me someday, I hope):

Wherever he, she, it, them, they, her, his, their, its, etc... appears, go back through the sentence and replace the pronoun with the name of the last person named. If it still reads the way you meant for it to, you are correct. If it doesn't, some rewording is in order.

If I used it on the example above with the three children, it would read like this:

Abigale, Emmett, and Mark were walking through the woods at a good pace when Abigale suddenly stopped and turned to Mark. Abigale said, "Emmett, stop stepping on my shoes!"

It reads wrong. She should be turning to Emmett. See how easy that was to find?

Now, there are times I misplace my pronouns (it's SOOOO easy to do!) but I thought I'd share a little bit of info and maybe a tip to help you in your personal editing journey. Many times, you'll find you have to reword a whole sentence to make it work with your pronouns. But take the time to do that. You won't be sorry.

Tomorrow, I'm participating in a blog hop about the next big thing. You'll get to hear about Mystic ~ Lily, and The Abigale Chronicles - Book Three (and see the cover! yay!). If you don't have a copy of Mystic ~ Bronya yet, you need to go pick one up! If you haven't read The Abigale Chronicles - Book One or Book Two with your kids yet, what are you waiting for? Those little beauties are just $1.99 on Kindle and just $5.99 for the paperbacks!

Thursday, I'm discussing  thoughts, flashbacks, and flashforwards and tips on not confusing your readers when you write those scenes. If you have a topic you'd like to see on Friday, let me know in the comments!

Did this help anyone or did I leave you more confused? What else would you like to see?

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo