Dialogue Pitfalls and How to Fix Them

Happy Thursday, everyone! Oh my, tomorrow is FRIDAYYYY! Who's excited? I can't believe it was just a four day workweek. I'm exhausted already. Ha! Today, I'm taking you all through an exercise to help with your dialogue. I'll start by outlining a few pitfalls, then explain how to correct in your first edit. Ready? Grab those pens and notebooks and let's get going!

We'll start with labels to keep it easy.

#1: Group Conversations

A common issue in creating group dialogue is when the author wants everyone to speak at once. Now, this can work if done properly, but line after line of Bob said, Marley said, Jane said, and Duke said gets tiresome.

Here's a tip:
Seek out scenes where folks are talking and examine them. If you have to, put people in a room and assign them all part of your dialogue. Have them read their lines (in character). Make notes of their facial expressions, movements, and tone. Work it in.

Example #1:

"I didn't think I had anything to be worried about," Bob said.
"Seriously? What didn't you see there?" Marley said.
"Right? I could've picked up on the subtle clues if I were blind," Jane said.
"Bob, your wife hasn't touched you in months. Wasn't that clue number one?" Duke said.
"But it's always been like that," Bob said. "Ever since we were first married."
"Really?" Jane said.
"Yes, really," Bob said.
"Well, why did you stay married ten years then?" Marley said.

Fix #1:

Mouth turned down, hand clutching a tumbler of bourbon on the rocks, Bob shrugged. "I didn't think I had anything to be worried about." Added action tag.
"Seriously? What didn't you see there?" Marley asked. Changed said to asked.
Jane snorted and curled her lip. "Right? I could've picked up on the subtle clues if I were blind." Another action tag.
"Your wife hasn't touched you in months. Wasn't that clue number one?" Duke asked. Changed said to asked.
Bob sighed and leaned back in the chair, studying his friends. They were all coiled and tensed up, like a snake ready to strike. There was no way they'd understand, but he figured he'd try. "But it's always been like that. Ever since we were first married." Applied exposition and action.
"Really?" Jane's head snapped up. Changed to action tag.
"Yes, really." We know it's Bob. Deleted dialogue tag.
Marley asked. "Well, why did you stay married ten years then?" Moved dialogue tag to front.

If you add a little action and thought in with the dialogue, you show the reader more about the situation, and you avoid overusing said.

#2 Invisible Dialogue Tags

It's a common misconception to believe you have to change up the dialogue tags every time. While "said" gets tiring to read, you've seen one way to avoid having to use it on every line. But what about invisible dialogue tags? How many are there? Why should you use them?

Here's a tip:
Seek out those scenes where you're using something other than said to denote dialogue. Ask yourself why. Is it an action tag? That's a good thing unless it's pulling the reader out of the story. There are a handful of invisible tags you can use; just make sure they're relevant to the tone/situation.

Invisible dialogue tags are words readers don't have to process as they move through the story. They exist to avoid confusion only. They speed up the flow of your story (pacing).

Example #2:

• Asked
• Said
• Answered
• Responded
• Whispered
• Shouted
• Yelled
• Screamed

A common error is to use an action tag as if it were a dialogue tag. More on these here. Unless the word is denoting speech of some kind, it's an action tag. List:

• Ordered
• Commanded
• Howled
• Growled
• Slurred
• Hissed
• And so on.

Use invisible tags whenever possible, but you don't need one every line. Hang on, that's next!

#3: Mixing Action Tags and Dialogue Tags

If you have a person doing something, you don't need a dialogue tag to tell the reader who it is that's speaking.

Here's a tip:
Find those places where you have action and dialogue together, and remove the dialogue tags.

Example #3:

Bob shrugged and panned his eyes over the faded wallpaper. He said, "I never thought Martha was the kind to do something like that."
"She's hitting the prime of her life, Bob. She's also a good looking woman," Jane said.
He slammed the glass on the coffee table, sloshing bourbon over the antique wood. "I know she's good looking. Hell, I'm the one who married her!" He yelled.
"All women go through a phase," Jane said as she shrunk back in the couch.
"Phase! Phase?" Bob screamed. "This is so much more than a phase!"
Jane nodded and said, "I understand."

Fix #3:

Bob shrugged and panned his eyes over the faded wallpaper.  "I never thought Martha was the kind to do something like that." Removed He said.
"She's hitting the prime of her life, Bob. She's also a good looking woman," Jane said. Left alone.
He slammed the glass on the coffee table, sloshing bourbon over the antique wood. "I know she's good looking. Hell, I'm the one who married her!" Removed He yelled.
"All women go through a phase." Jane shrunk back in the couch. Removed said as she.
"Phase! Phase? This is so much more than a phase!" Removed Bob screamed.
Jane nodded. "I understand." Removed and said.

Again, if you know who it is that's speaking, there's no need for a tag. But removing all those tags cleaned up the prose.

#4: Using a Dialogue or Action Tag on Every Line

You don't have to go bananas with action and dialogue tags. When two people are having a conversation, you can delete most of the tags and still be okay.

Here's a tip:
Find places where there are just two folks talking. See how much you can remove without getting confusing.

Example #4:

"My wife has drained my bank accounts, done things behind my back, and she wants to know why I'm upset." Bob dragged his free hand down his face and slurped his drink.
Marley sat forward. "She probably hit her mid-life crisis and didn't want to worry you. You're aware of how she treats her body. It was bound to happen."
Bob snorted. "Yeah, I just didn't think she'd do something this crazy at thirty-one."
"It's that milestone, brother. Hang in there. At least she's not cheating on you," Marley said, putting a hand on Bob's back.
He sighed. "You're right. I guess I should be grateful she wants to look good for me. What's a little face-lift in the grand scheme of things, right?" A choked laugh escaped. "But she lied. Plain and simple. Who knows, she might be cheating, too."
"I doubt that. She loves you." Marley leaned back.
"She loves my money," Bob said.

Fix #4:

"My wife has drained my bank accounts, done things behind my back, and she wants to know why I'm upset." Bob dragged his free hand down his face and slurped his drink. Left alone.
Marley said, "She probably hit her mid-life crisis and didn't want to worry you. You're aware of how she treats her body. It was bound to happen." Changed action tag to dialogue tag.
"Yeah, I just didn't think she'd do something this crazy at thirty-one." Removed all tags.
"It's that milestone, brother. Hang in there. At least she's not cheating on you." Marley put a hand on Bob's back. Removed dialogue tag.
"You're right. I guess I should be grateful she wants to look good for me. What's a little face-lift in the grand scheme of things, right?" A choked laugh escaped. "But she lied. Plain and simple. Who knows, she might be cheating, too." Removed action tag.
"I doubt that. She loves you." Removed action tag.
"She loves my money." Removed dialogue tag.

And, you still know who it is that's speaking! Amazing, right?

These are some of the most common dialogue errors I come across. If you do your homework, you'll come out the other side a better writer. For another trap post, check out this one.

I hope this helps in some small way.

What are the things that annoy you most in dialogue? Discuss!

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Dialogue - Keeping it Fresh

Happy Friday, good people of the blogosphere! Today, I'm talking with you about dialogue again. I started writing this post yesterday, but life took over and killed it. Ha! Great how that works, isn't it? But! The kids go back to school soon, so things around the blog will settle down as they were before. Anyway, today we're gonna talk about keeping your dialogue fresh for readability and comprehension. I'll also give you a little exercise to do afterward. Grab those pens and notebooks and let's get going!

Let's start with things you shouldn't do.

• Make every line of dialogue begin the same way.
• Break several lines of dialogue in a row with an action.
• Confuse your dialogue tags with action tags.
• Make everyone sound the same.

In keeping your writing fresh, you want to use dialogue, action, and dialect in a way that keeps them harmonious.

Example time!

Shouldn't do:
Pat elbowed her way through the crowd. "Can you believe how many people are here?"
I grabbed her hand before leaning toward her ear. "It's always like this on Friday night!"
Lucy made her way to us and joined the circle. "I'm so excited to be here! I can't believe our parents let us come."
I put my free hand on her shoulder. "This is once in a lifetime, kid."
Music pumped through the speakers, and my insides rattled.

Better:
Pat elbowed her way through the crowd. "Can you believe how many people are here?"
"It's always—" someone jostled me, and I grabbed Pat's hand to lean toward her ear "—like this on Friday night!"
Lucy made her way to us. "I'm so excited to be here, y'all! I can't believe our parents let us come." Her eyes sparkled.
"This is once in a lifetime, kid," I said.
Music pumped through the speakers, and my insides rattled.

Frequent name restatement is often necessary when there are several people in a discussion. Watch your pronouns. Let's look at one more example; then I'll turn you loose with an exercise.

Shouldn't do:
"I wanted to go to the store with Mommy," Lisa whined.
Her father's mouth turned down. He said, "You didn't want to stay with me?"
She crossed her arms and shook her head.
"I thought maybe we could play your favorite," he said, pulling out Chutes and Ladders.
She clapped her hands and said, "Yay! Yes, Daddy. I want to play."
"But you wanted to go to the store with Mommy," he teased.
"I was just kidding," she said.
He roared with laughter.

Better:
"I wanted to go to the store with Mommy." Lisa threw her tiny figure face-down on the couch.
Her father frowned. "You don't want to stay with me?"
She rolled over, crossed her arms, and shook her head.
"I thought maybe we could play your favorite," he said.
When Lisa saw the Chutes and Ladders game in his hands, she clapped. "Yay! Yes, Daddy. I wanna play."
"But you wanted to go to the store with Mommy."
"I was just kidding."
He roared with laughter.

Not only is the second passage easier to read, it's correctly punctuated. Remember to ditch the dialogue tag when giving the character an action. If you use a dialogue tag, there should be no action. Change it up so it doesn't get stale. No one wants to read: he said, she said, he said, he said, she said over and over again.

Time for your exercises!

#1:
Write a few quick paragraphs of dialogue with four characters: Paul, Mike, Anna, and Frank. Start each sentence the same way, pay no attention to punctuation, and no attention to pronoun usage.

Use the tips above and this post to correct your writing. Feel free to send it to me if you want someone to check it.

#2:
Using the ideas above, craft one line of dialogue for each of the following:

1. Starts with an action, ends with dialogue.
2. Uses a dialogue tag at the beginning.
3. Uses a dialogue tag at the end.
4. Break the dialogue with an action.
5. Stars with dialogue, ends with action.
6. No dialogue tag; no action tag.
7. Interrupted speech (remember your em-dash!)
8. Trailing off of speech (don't forget the ellipsis!)
9. Starts with action, then has dialogue, then another action

You may feel free to post your attempts in the comments below.

What do you think? Helpful?

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Dialogue Traps to Avoid and How to Fix Them

Happy Monday, everyone! I do hope you all had a fabulous weekend and are raring to go for the week ahead. Today, I'd like to talk a little bit about dialogue traps many authors fall into and how you can pull yourself from the quagmire of quicksand that's sucking you down. These are things I find in many of the books I edit, and the author usually does a little head slap once I point out what's going wrong. Grab your pens and notebooks and let's get going! Be sure and check out the link to some dialogue exercises near the end of this post.

One of my most popular posts, He Said, She Said, Who Said What?, goes into ways to keep the local vernacular true to the characters. It uses extremes, but I did it to make a point.

Let's expand upon that and talk about how to keep the speech true to humans.

In I, Zombie, I used dialogue to help pull the reader into the culture. Some people enjoyed it, some didn't. However, it's true to the location and that's what I was after. Bronya, book one of the Mystic series, is also set in Southern Louisiana, but I chose not to use the local dialect. I both loved and hated that aspect of the book, but it's a choice an author has to make.

Note what I said there: Choice. It's up to you how your characters will speak, but the key to doing anything well is consistency. I know, there's that word yet again! Remember when I talked about creating a style guide for your novel? If your characters are gonna talk a certain way, be sure you're consistent. Your style guide will help you (and your editor) do that.

Now, a few things to keep in mind when characters are speaking to one another:

• You don't always have to use a dialogue tag (said, mumbled, asked, answered, etc...), an action tag (Sabrina put her feet up on the couch, Luke took a long drink of his coffee, Pig plopped his big, round bottom down, etc...) will work as well.
• There's no need to name the character the one speaking is talking to unless: There are more than two characters in the room and he/she is speaking to someone out of the group specifically, or there's no action tag like: Pig looked at Sabrina.
• When a character uses another character's name in speech, it sounds like a lecture or like one is lording their superiority over the other. Think about how you speak and when you use someone's name.
• We speak in contractions unless we're speaking formally (old English, Historically, etc...). Use them. It'll help. Remember to practice writing in contractions everywhere, not just in your novels. If a character doesn't use contractions, be consistent and don't ever use them. One day, you'll thank me. *wink*
• Watching the rename will help with pronouns. Time for an example! 

If we know Pig and Luke are having a discussion, it might go like this: 
Pig looked at Luke. "So, you're saying I didn't need to sit?"
He answered, "That's exactly what I'm saying."
His tail uncurled and his ears drooped. "I thought I was being good."
This is wrong, wrong, wrong. It creates a pronoun problem. Either you have to rename Pig (which gets irritating to readers if it's done too often) or remove Luke. We know who Pig is talking to because the scene has been set.

How about: 
Pig looked up. "So, you're saying I didn't need to sit?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying."
His tail uncurled and his ears drooped. "I thought I was being good."
Note that Pig was the last male named so the pronoun his is used correctly. There was no need to rename Pig or worry that we couldn't use the pronoun his after we named Luke.

Please, know your action tags and your dialogue tags. Here's a post that will help with that. Some get commas and others get periods. Be sure you're varying what you use. Dingle said, Pig said, Sabrina said, Luke said, Howey said, Dog said, gets redundant and boring after a while. If it's obvious who said it, leave it alone. If you must give a name, use an action tag now and then.

Are you ready to practice flexing your dialogue muscles? Here's the fifth post in a series with links to the previous four: Dialogue Exercises. There are fifteen practice scenarios for you to use. Have some fun, okay?

Did you know these loose rules? Do the examples above help at all?

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Flashbacks

Perhaps this should be titled Flashbacks, Flashforwards, and Flashing in General? Today, good people of the blogosphere, we will be discussing memories, dreams, and thoughts. Read on and enjoy!

There are a ton of ways to do a flashback when writing a novel. But you don't want to take your reader out of the tale and inundate them with backstory. You'll find they skip over those parts; that's bad. So let's discuss ways to make your flashbacks and such important as well as give a few ideas on how to work them in.

Leading up to the flashback, there should be some reason it's about to occur. This could be the character standing immobilized with fear or could be that he/she sees something that sparks a memory. It's the words leading up to the flashback, dream, or inner-dialogue that will keep your reader engaged.

Explain, don't tell. Flashbacks, dreams, or inner-dialogue could go in italics to remind your reader that they're in the head of the character. Some people prefer to put an extra space before and after and just leave them in regular type. I, personally, prefer both reading and writing these scenes in italics. But there must be good transition in order to keep my attention.

I'll use examples from a couple of my books.

In Yassa, when young Genghis Khan has a dream, they are almost always telling the future and are usually terrifying. So, instead of writing that he fell asleep and is about to have a dream about it, I write that his head hit the pillow and he was seized by the terror of a nightmare. Then the dream sequence begins and I put it all in italics. To make it relevant, later on I tell that happenings occur just as they did in his dream. Those dreams are never boring and always leave my hero either with residual feelings or a call to action when he wakes up. This is what I call a flashforward. Unless you're writing about someone who is clairvoyant (as Genghis believed he was), this won't work.

I do the same with Markaza in Mystic.

I don't use it at all in The Abigale Chronicles series for two reasons: 1. I begin book one at the beginning of all the craziness and 2. I don't want the reader to know if Abigale is dreaming or not - the mystery is half the fun!!

Inner-dialogue also goes into italics in my books; just to let the reader know this isn't something that's being said, rather something that's being thought.

Flashbacks work the same way. If you're going to give a flashback, the reader should understand why, who it's about, and what time period it takes place in.

A good example would be if a character is remembering something traumatic from childhood. This memory could be sparked by him/her smelling a rose and having a flashback of a friend who died and had roses on their coffin that smelled the same way. This character may close their eyes and remember every detail of that funeral (including at what time it took place) but it should be no more than a few paragraphs and there should be an emotional reaction in the present that justifies the memory's significance. Perhaps the rose they smell is then ripped to shreds and the character cries for their loss while babbling about it to a stranger. It must be relevant in that it shapes an action or explains something about the character's behavior in the here and now.

Flashbacks should be short and are different from a step-back through time which can be whole chapters with no need for italics.

Inner-dialogue should be treated the same way. If the character is thinking something, don't pull the reader out of the here and now to deliver it. Work it in with the current happenings.

I hope this helps explain a few things about flashbacks, dreams, and thoughts.

Any questions? What's your take? How do you work in flashbacks, dreams, or inner-dialogue?

On a totally unrelated note, my daughter used a word incorrectly yesterday that made me correct her a couple of times. She used the word ideal instead of idea when she was talking about a thought a character in a book we were reading had. Granted she's only six, but better to squash that word butchering out of her now. It's difficult being my kid!!

Tomorrow, we discuss those pesky things known as adjectives!! To use, or not to use? Come on back to find out how to delete them with zero consequences!!

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Dialogue Tags vs. Action Tags

I read an interesting blog post lately about dialogue tags and action tags. What is the difference? If you don't already know this, dialogue tags are the ones that require commas and action tags are the ones that don't.

According to the blog, a dialogue tag is telling that a person said, whispered, screamed, asked, or responded.

Action tags are things the person does. Words like flirted, smiled, teased, growled, etc...

You can read the article here. She gives some great examples, too!!

I think there is an exception to this rule when working with animals that speak. Hear me out before you go all argumentative on me, okay?

In The Abigale Chronicles - Book Three, I have a dragon named Glinx that talks (he also burps fire but that's another story). I believe that he could growl a statement as only a dragon could do.

If I had a horse that talked, could he not whinny or neigh a response? A fairy could tinkle or trill a response, right?

Dialogue tags have their place. PLEASE don't ever stop using them!! I'm one of those people that gets lost four lines into a good chunk of dialogue if they aren't tagged with the speaker now and then. Children's books should have more tags than adult novels because kids get lost more easily than adults. Where an adult novel needs one only every four or five lines, a children's book needs a dialogue or action tag every couple of lines.

As a reader, I'll tell you, I do not mind a he said, she said, or an Abigale said, Glinx roared every couple of lines. I like to know who is doing what. Tell me!

Tomorrow, I'm gonna talk about pronouns - those pesky little words like he, she, they, them, it, hers, and his. I find misuse of them everywhere. Sure, we all have a tendency to stick an erroneous one in there now and then, but that's what proofreaders and editors are for, right? Even then, some get missed, I admit. But perhaps raising awareness will help someone, somewhere, construct better prose.

Is there a topic you find you have trouble with that you'd like clarification on? If yes, leave me a comment and let me know!!

Keep an eye out for The Abigale Chronicles - Book Three on September 25, 2012!! Cover reveal and synopsis reveal this week! If you don't have Book One or Book Two yet, what are you waiting for? Click the titles to pick them up! Just $1.99 each on Kindle!

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo