Dialogue Pitfalls and How to Fix Them

Happy Thursday, everyone! Oh my, tomorrow is FRIDAYYYY! Who's excited? I can't believe it was just a four day workweek. I'm exhausted already. Ha! Today, I'm taking you all through an exercise to help with your dialogue. I'll start by outlining a few pitfalls, then explain how to correct in your first edit. Ready? Grab those pens and notebooks and let's get going!

We'll start with labels to keep it easy.

#1: Group Conversations

A common issue in creating group dialogue is when the author wants everyone to speak at once. Now, this can work if done properly, but line after line of Bob said, Marley said, Jane said, and Duke said gets tiresome.

Here's a tip:
Seek out scenes where folks are talking and examine them. If you have to, put people in a room and assign them all part of your dialogue. Have them read their lines (in character). Make notes of their facial expressions, movements, and tone. Work it in.

Example #1:

"I didn't think I had anything to be worried about," Bob said.
"Seriously? What didn't you see there?" Marley said.
"Right? I could've picked up on the subtle clues if I were blind," Jane said.
"Bob, your wife hasn't touched you in months. Wasn't that clue number one?" Duke said.
"But it's always been like that," Bob said. "Ever since we were first married."
"Really?" Jane said.
"Yes, really," Bob said.
"Well, why did you stay married ten years then?" Marley said.

Fix #1:

Mouth turned down, hand clutching a tumbler of bourbon on the rocks, Bob shrugged. "I didn't think I had anything to be worried about." Added action tag.
"Seriously? What didn't you see there?" Marley asked. Changed said to asked.
Jane snorted and curled her lip. "Right? I could've picked up on the subtle clues if I were blind." Another action tag.
"Your wife hasn't touched you in months. Wasn't that clue number one?" Duke asked. Changed said to asked.
Bob sighed and leaned back in the chair, studying his friends. They were all coiled and tensed up, like a snake ready to strike. There was no way they'd understand, but he figured he'd try. "But it's always been like that. Ever since we were first married." Applied exposition and action.
"Really?" Jane's head snapped up. Changed to action tag.
"Yes, really." We know it's Bob. Deleted dialogue tag.
Marley asked. "Well, why did you stay married ten years then?" Moved dialogue tag to front.

If you add a little action and thought in with the dialogue, you show the reader more about the situation, and you avoid overusing said.

#2 Invisible Dialogue Tags

It's a common misconception to believe you have to change up the dialogue tags every time. While "said" gets tiring to read, you've seen one way to avoid having to use it on every line. But what about invisible dialogue tags? How many are there? Why should you use them?

Here's a tip:
Seek out those scenes where you're using something other than said to denote dialogue. Ask yourself why. Is it an action tag? That's a good thing unless it's pulling the reader out of the story. There are a handful of invisible tags you can use; just make sure they're relevant to the tone/situation.

Invisible dialogue tags are words readers don't have to process as they move through the story. They exist to avoid confusion only. They speed up the flow of your story (pacing).

Example #2:

• Asked
• Said
• Answered
• Responded
• Whispered
• Shouted
• Yelled
• Screamed

A common error is to use an action tag as if it were a dialogue tag. More on these here. Unless the word is denoting speech of some kind, it's an action tag. List:

• Ordered
• Commanded
• Howled
• Growled
• Slurred
• Hissed
• And so on.

Use invisible tags whenever possible, but you don't need one every line. Hang on, that's next!

#3: Mixing Action Tags and Dialogue Tags

If you have a person doing something, you don't need a dialogue tag to tell the reader who it is that's speaking.

Here's a tip:
Find those places where you have action and dialogue together, and remove the dialogue tags.

Example #3:

Bob shrugged and panned his eyes over the faded wallpaper. He said, "I never thought Martha was the kind to do something like that."
"She's hitting the prime of her life, Bob. She's also a good looking woman," Jane said.
He slammed the glass on the coffee table, sloshing bourbon over the antique wood. "I know she's good looking. Hell, I'm the one who married her!" He yelled.
"All women go through a phase," Jane said as she shrunk back in the couch.
"Phase! Phase?" Bob screamed. "This is so much more than a phase!"
Jane nodded and said, "I understand."

Fix #3:

Bob shrugged and panned his eyes over the faded wallpaper.  "I never thought Martha was the kind to do something like that." Removed He said.
"She's hitting the prime of her life, Bob. She's also a good looking woman," Jane said. Left alone.
He slammed the glass on the coffee table, sloshing bourbon over the antique wood. "I know she's good looking. Hell, I'm the one who married her!" Removed He yelled.
"All women go through a phase." Jane shrunk back in the couch. Removed said as she.
"Phase! Phase? This is so much more than a phase!" Removed Bob screamed.
Jane nodded. "I understand." Removed and said.

Again, if you know who it is that's speaking, there's no need for a tag. But removing all those tags cleaned up the prose.

#4: Using a Dialogue or Action Tag on Every Line

You don't have to go bananas with action and dialogue tags. When two people are having a conversation, you can delete most of the tags and still be okay.

Here's a tip:
Find places where there are just two folks talking. See how much you can remove without getting confusing.

Example #4:

"My wife has drained my bank accounts, done things behind my back, and she wants to know why I'm upset." Bob dragged his free hand down his face and slurped his drink.
Marley sat forward. "She probably hit her mid-life crisis and didn't want to worry you. You're aware of how she treats her body. It was bound to happen."
Bob snorted. "Yeah, I just didn't think she'd do something this crazy at thirty-one."
"It's that milestone, brother. Hang in there. At least she's not cheating on you," Marley said, putting a hand on Bob's back.
He sighed. "You're right. I guess I should be grateful she wants to look good for me. What's a little face-lift in the grand scheme of things, right?" A choked laugh escaped. "But she lied. Plain and simple. Who knows, she might be cheating, too."
"I doubt that. She loves you." Marley leaned back.
"She loves my money," Bob said.

Fix #4:

"My wife has drained my bank accounts, done things behind my back, and she wants to know why I'm upset." Bob dragged his free hand down his face and slurped his drink. Left alone.
Marley said, "She probably hit her mid-life crisis and didn't want to worry you. You're aware of how she treats her body. It was bound to happen." Changed action tag to dialogue tag.
"Yeah, I just didn't think she'd do something this crazy at thirty-one." Removed all tags.
"It's that milestone, brother. Hang in there. At least she's not cheating on you." Marley put a hand on Bob's back. Removed dialogue tag.
"You're right. I guess I should be grateful she wants to look good for me. What's a little face-lift in the grand scheme of things, right?" A choked laugh escaped. "But she lied. Plain and simple. Who knows, she might be cheating, too." Removed action tag.
"I doubt that. She loves you." Removed action tag.
"She loves my money." Removed dialogue tag.

And, you still know who it is that's speaking! Amazing, right?

These are some of the most common dialogue errors I come across. If you do your homework, you'll come out the other side a better writer. For another trap post, check out this one.

I hope this helps in some small way.

What are the things that annoy you most in dialogue? Discuss!

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Dialogue - Keeping it Fresh

Happy Friday, good people of the blogosphere! Today, I'm talking with you about dialogue again. I started writing this post yesterday, but life took over and killed it. Ha! Great how that works, isn't it? But! The kids go back to school soon, so things around the blog will settle down as they were before. Anyway, today we're gonna talk about keeping your dialogue fresh for readability and comprehension. I'll also give you a little exercise to do afterward. Grab those pens and notebooks and let's get going!

Let's start with things you shouldn't do.

• Make every line of dialogue begin the same way.
• Break several lines of dialogue in a row with an action.
• Confuse your dialogue tags with action tags.
• Make everyone sound the same.

In keeping your writing fresh, you want to use dialogue, action, and dialect in a way that keeps them harmonious.

Example time!

Shouldn't do:
Pat elbowed her way through the crowd. "Can you believe how many people are here?"
I grabbed her hand before leaning toward her ear. "It's always like this on Friday night!"
Lucy made her way to us and joined the circle. "I'm so excited to be here! I can't believe our parents let us come."
I put my free hand on her shoulder. "This is once in a lifetime, kid."
Music pumped through the speakers, and my insides rattled.

Better:
Pat elbowed her way through the crowd. "Can you believe how many people are here?"
"It's always—" someone jostled me, and I grabbed Pat's hand to lean toward her ear "—like this on Friday night!"
Lucy made her way to us. "I'm so excited to be here, y'all! I can't believe our parents let us come." Her eyes sparkled.
"This is once in a lifetime, kid," I said.
Music pumped through the speakers, and my insides rattled.

Frequent name restatement is often necessary when there are several people in a discussion. Watch your pronouns. Let's look at one more example; then I'll turn you loose with an exercise.

Shouldn't do:
"I wanted to go to the store with Mommy," Lisa whined.
Her father's mouth turned down. He said, "You didn't want to stay with me?"
She crossed her arms and shook her head.
"I thought maybe we could play your favorite," he said, pulling out Chutes and Ladders.
She clapped her hands and said, "Yay! Yes, Daddy. I want to play."
"But you wanted to go to the store with Mommy," he teased.
"I was just kidding," she said.
He roared with laughter.

Better:
"I wanted to go to the store with Mommy." Lisa threw her tiny figure face-down on the couch.
Her father frowned. "You don't want to stay with me?"
She rolled over, crossed her arms, and shook her head.
"I thought maybe we could play your favorite," he said.
When Lisa saw the Chutes and Ladders game in his hands, she clapped. "Yay! Yes, Daddy. I wanna play."
"But you wanted to go to the store with Mommy."
"I was just kidding."
He roared with laughter.

Not only is the second passage easier to read, it's correctly punctuated. Remember to ditch the dialogue tag when giving the character an action. If you use a dialogue tag, there should be no action. Change it up so it doesn't get stale. No one wants to read: he said, she said, he said, he said, she said over and over again.

Time for your exercises!

#1:
Write a few quick paragraphs of dialogue with four characters: Paul, Mike, Anna, and Frank. Start each sentence the same way, pay no attention to punctuation, and no attention to pronoun usage.

Use the tips above and this post to correct your writing. Feel free to send it to me if you want someone to check it.

#2:
Using the ideas above, craft one line of dialogue for each of the following:

1. Starts with an action, ends with dialogue.
2. Uses a dialogue tag at the beginning.
3. Uses a dialogue tag at the end.
4. Break the dialogue with an action.
5. Stars with dialogue, ends with action.
6. No dialogue tag; no action tag.
7. Interrupted speech (remember your em-dash!)
8. Trailing off of speech (don't forget the ellipsis!)
9. Starts with action, then has dialogue, then another action

You may feel free to post your attempts in the comments below.

What do you think? Helpful?

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Pronouns in Dialogue

Happy Thursday, good people of the blogosphere! Today, I'm gonna talk to you about pronouns in dialogue and how they impact the way you use them outside speech. I've been over pronouns twice thus far, but this little tidbit needs to be added. I didn't want to confuse everyone by putting this information in with the other pronoun posts, so I'm making one all its own. Grab your pens and notebooks and join me for a quick lesson! Warning! This post seems long, but it's a lot of the same stuff written over and over again. A necessary evil, I'm afraid.

Remember, your pronouns are: he, him, she, it, its, they, their, them, they're, hers, and his.

Now, when you're writing a scene, the pronoun refers to the last person or thing named.

Learn more here and here.

There are caveats to this, though. First, when we speak, we usually don't use pronouns the right way. For example:
"Lisa told me last night Mel owes her money and isn't sure when she's gonna pay her back."

What a mess that is, right? But it makes sense when someone speaks that way. Why? Because that's what we're used to hearing. We get that Mel owes Lisa money and Lisa isn't sure when Mel is going to return said money. But to write the dialogue with proper pronouns, we'd have to rearrange it like this:
"Lisa told me last night she isn't sure when Mel's gonna pay back the money she owes."

That's okay, too, by the way; but don't beat yourself up over pronouns in dialogue. Above all else, you want speech to sound natural, not forced. So, pronouns in speech aren't something you need to be super vigilant about. Let it flow.

Second, when you're creating dialogue and you mention a name, you need to remove the speech to see who your pronoun is actually referring to. Also, the pronouns in speech are separate from the ones in text. This gets tricky, but I'll do my best to show you a couple of examples:
Susie looked at Byron and drummed her fingers on the desktop. "So, you're saying Lisa doesn't really like Mark?"
"That's what I'm saying. She's just using him to have a date to prom."
She gasped. "That's horrible!"
"You know how she is. How does that surprise you?" His eyebrow lifted and a smirk found its way onto his lips.
"I just never thought she'd be so crass." Her mouth turned down and her eyes shifted away. "It doesn't do to hurt people. Mel let it drop the other day that she thought her intentions weren't honorable. I just didn't believe her."
"Well, I'm telling you now, she's planning to make a big scene and leave him looking like an idiot at the end of the night." His hand found its way to hers in an attempt to offer comfort.
Sighing, she moved closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

Okay, now, you can see the mess we'd have if we followed traditional pronoun examples and tried to have everything include the dialogue. How do you check it? Like this:

#1 Delete the dialogue and highlight the pronouns.
Susie looked at Byron and drummed her fingers on the desktop. "So, you're saying Lisa doesn't really like Mark?"
"That's what I'm saying. She's just using him to have a date to prom."
She gasped. "That's horrible!"
"You know how she is. How does that surprise you?" His eyebrow lifted and a smirk found its way onto his lips.
"I just never thought she'd be so crass." Her mouth turned down and her eyes shifted away. "It doesn't do to hurt people. Mel let it drop the other day that she thought her intentions weren't honorable. I just didn't believe her."
"Well, I'm telling you now, she's planning to make a big scene and leave him looking like an idiot at the end of the night." His hand found its way to hers in an attempt to offer comfort.
Sighing, she moved closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

#2 Rewrite it.
Susie looked at Byron and drummed Susie's fingers on the desktop.

Susie gasped.
Byron's eyebrow lifted and a smirk found a smirk's way onto Byron's lips.
Susie's mouth turned down and Susie's eyes shifted away.
Byron's hand found Byron's hand's way to Susie's in an attempt to offer comfort.
Sighing, Susie moved closer to Byron and rested Susie's head on Byron's shoulder.

We know the passage is correct, because it reads like it's supposed to. If it didn't, we'd need to fix it.


Dialogue is independent of the text providing support. Is it possible to fix the pronoun issues in the dialogue? Yes. It can be done easily, but watch for forced speech. You don't wanna take something that works and tweak it until it sounds, well, tweaked. *grin* Proceed with caution.

One more example, and I'll let you go for the day. This time, we'll use four speakers and I'll make errors. See if you can find them before I go to the correction phase. GAME ON!

Lisa slapped Mark's hand before taking it in her own and tugging. "You're so silly sometimes. Let's go find Susie and Byron."
He grinned at her, loving the way she gave him love taps now and then, and let her pull him along.
"Lisa! Hey, girl. What are you guys up to?" Her speech was slurred and her eyes glassy.
"Sorry, guys, she's had a little bit to drink." Byron supported Susie with one arm while balancing two cups in the hand on the other.
She put her hands on her hips. "Aren't you gonna share?" One hand flew out, knocking the drinks off their perches. "There's Mel!"
"Lisa!"
"What?"
"You have zero class, you know that?"
"Oh, come on. Stop being such a ninny. Not my fault your girlfriend's sloshed. Would you look at her? I wonder where she got that dress?" She took off in Mel's direction without offering an apology.
Mark shrugged. "Sorry about that. She's kinda rude sometimes."
Glaring in her direction, he snorted. "Kinda rude? Sometimes? She's extremely rude always."
Feeling his face turn red, his mind began to wonder if he should punch the guy out to defend his girlfriend's honor. Deciding against it, he shrugged and started after her; anger boiling beneath the surface.

Ready? GO!

Done yet?

How about now?

Okay, your time's up. My turn! I'll show you why the passage is wrong, then correct it. Four steps this time.

#1: Remove dialogue
Lisa slapped Mark's hand before taking it in her own and tugging. "You're so silly sometimes. Let's go find Susie and Byron."
He grinned at her, loving the way she gave him love taps now and then, and let her pull him along.
"Lisa! Hey, girl. What are you guys up to?" Her speech was slurred and her eyes glassy.
"Sorry, guys, she's had a little bit to drink." Byron supported Susie with one arm while balancing two cups in the hand on the other.
She put her hands on her hips. "Aren't you gonna share?" One hand flew out, knocking the drinks off their perches. "There's Mel!"
"Lisa!"
"What?"
"You have zero class, you know that?"
"Oh, come on. Stop being such a ninny. Not my fault your girlfriend's sloshed. Would you look at her? I wonder where she got that dress?" She took off in Mel's direction without offering an apology.
Mark shrugged. "Sorry about that. She's kinda rude sometimes."
Glaring in her direction, he snorted. "Kinda rude? Sometimes? She's extremely rude always."
Feeling his face turn red, his mind began to wonder if he should punch the guy out to defend his girlfriend's honor. Deciding against it, he shrugged and started after her; anger boiling beneath the surface.

#2 Highlight the pronouns
Lisa slapped Mark's hand before taking it in her own and tugging.
He grinned at her, loving the way she gave him love taps now and then, and let her pull him along.
Her speech was slurred and her eyes glassy.
Byron supported Susie with one arm while balancing two cups in the hand on the other.
She put her hands on her hips. One hand flew out, knocking the drinks off their perches.
She took off in Mel's direction without offering an apology.Mark shrugged
Glaring in her direction, he snorted.
Feeling his face turn red, his mind began to wonder if he should punch the guy out to defend his girlfriend's honor. Deciding against it, he shrugged and started after her; anger boiling beneath the surface.

#3 Replace the pronouns
Lisa slapped Mark's hand before taking Mark's hand in Lisa's own and tugging.
Mark grinned at Lisa, loving the way Lisa gave Mark love taps now and then, and let Lisa pull Mark along.
Lisa's speech was slurred and Lisa's eyes glassy.
Byron supported Susie with one arm while balancing two cups in the hand on the other.
Susie put Susie's hands on Susie's hips. One hand flew out, knocking the drinks off the drinks' perches.
Susie took off in Mel's direction without offering an apology.Mark shrugged
Glaring in Mel's direction, Mark snorted.
Feeling Mark's face turn red, Mark's mind began to wonder if Mark should punch the guy out to defend the guy's girlfriend's honor. Deciding against defending honor, the guy shrugged and started after the guy's girlfriend; anger boiling beneath the surface.

#4 Repair
Lisa slapped Mark's hand before taking it in her own and tugging. "You're so silly sometimes. Let's go find Susie and Byron."
He grinned at her, loving the way she gave him love taps now and then, and let her pull him along.
"Lisa! Hey, girl. What are you guys up to?" Susie's speech was slurred and her eyes glassy.
"Sorry, guys, she's had a little bit to drink." Byron supported her with one arm while balancing two cups in the hand on the other.
Lisa put her hands on her hips. "Aren't you gonna share?" One hand flew out, knocking the drinks off their perches. "There's Mel!"
"Lisa!"
"What?"
"You have zero class, you know that?"
"Oh, come on. Stop being such a ninny. Not my fault your girlfriend's sloshed. Would you look at Mel? I wonder where she got that dress?" She took off in Mel's direction without offering an apology.
Mark shrugged. "Sorry about that. She's kinda rude sometimes."
Glaring in Lisa's direction, Byron snorted. "Kinda rude? Sometimes? She's extremely rude always."
Mark felt his face turn red, and his mind began to wonder if he should punch the guy out to defend Lisa's honor. Deciding against it, Mark shrugged and started after her; anger boiling beneath the surface.

Blue marks what I changed to make the passage correct. I know it seems like a lot of work; but if you take the time to learn how to recognize these things, it'll become second nature and move fast.

How about you? Did you get anything out of this post? How many errors did you find in the example?

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Friday Funday

Happy Friday, everyone! The weekend is almost upon us and I figured I'd give you a few things to do in your downtime that will help your writing skills. Just a little weekend fun to keep your writerly brain engaged and on target for the workweek ahead. I know you don't really want to think about Monday, but it behooves us all to be prepared. I'll begin by giving you the name of the exercise, and then move on to how you can accomplish it (and maybe have some fun, too). Grab those pens and notebooks and let's get going.

Exercise #1: Dialogue Dissection
Grab a friend or family member and chat with them. Be sure you have a recorder of some kind running (voice notes on an iPhone work great for this). Give yourself ten to fifteen minutes then shut the recording device off. End the conversation and move to a room where you can be alone. Play back the recording and recall what each of you were doing as you spoke. Mentally add commas and periods where you think they belong. Listen to it again. Pay attention to the words used, pronunciation, and inflection. Think about how you might write the conversation out. If you feel so inclined, you may do so; but, this is more of an exercise to get your brain thinking about dialogue in general.

Exercise #2: Title Trivia
Sit down with a friend or family member and grab a couple of sheets of paper or 3.5"x5" index cards. Cut them into pieces and have everyone write one word on each piece. Fold them up and throw them into a bowl. Take turns picking out two pieces and sticking them together. Pretend it's the title of a book and come up with a synopsis to support it. This is all verbal, so no need to write anything down (unless you hit upon the next great novel idea!).

Exercise #3: What's That Word?
This, again, is a two or more person game. Grab a sheet of paper and write down a sentence with at least ten words in it. Exchange with others. Now, try and come up with as many words as possible in place of the ones written. Whoever has the most variations (accurate ones) wins! Don't cheat and use a thesaurus! I find chocolate is a great motivator as a prize for this game.

Exercise #4: Acting Gone Awry
Take a character from one of your favorite novels and pretend to be them for the day. Respond to other people the way you think the character would, do things you think they would do, and really try to walk in their shoes. Take little notes as you go if you want. At the end of the day, reflect on your actions and try to flesh out the character in your head. Were there circumstances that made you wonder about the character's personality or how they would react or did it all flow very naturally? What part of the book let you know that? Use this knowledge the next time you're building your own characters (or when writing scenes of discovery).

Exercise #5: Cover Collection Craziness
Go online and take a look at other books in your genre. Save images of the covers. Print out a quick copy on regular paper or pull them up in a photo editing program. Make notes about what you like and don't like about each one. If you wanna get crazy, cut them up and glue together a whole new cover with some of the elements. Kids love this one.

These are just a few games you can play with your friends or family members to help you become a better writer. An added bonus is: You get to spend time with your loved ones while sharpening your skills!

Which one of these sounds the most fun to you?

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Dialogue Traps to Avoid and How to Fix Them

Happy Monday, everyone! I do hope you all had a fabulous weekend and are raring to go for the week ahead. Today, I'd like to talk a little bit about dialogue traps many authors fall into and how you can pull yourself from the quagmire of quicksand that's sucking you down. These are things I find in many of the books I edit, and the author usually does a little head slap once I point out what's going wrong. Grab your pens and notebooks and let's get going! Be sure and check out the link to some dialogue exercises near the end of this post.

One of my most popular posts, He Said, She Said, Who Said What?, goes into ways to keep the local vernacular true to the characters. It uses extremes, but I did it to make a point.

Let's expand upon that and talk about how to keep the speech true to humans.

In I, Zombie, I used dialogue to help pull the reader into the culture. Some people enjoyed it, some didn't. However, it's true to the location and that's what I was after. Bronya, book one of the Mystic series, is also set in Southern Louisiana, but I chose not to use the local dialect. I both loved and hated that aspect of the book, but it's a choice an author has to make.

Note what I said there: Choice. It's up to you how your characters will speak, but the key to doing anything well is consistency. I know, there's that word yet again! Remember when I talked about creating a style guide for your novel? If your characters are gonna talk a certain way, be sure you're consistent. Your style guide will help you (and your editor) do that.

Now, a few things to keep in mind when characters are speaking to one another:

• You don't always have to use a dialogue tag (said, mumbled, asked, answered, etc...), an action tag (Sabrina put her feet up on the couch, Luke took a long drink of his coffee, Pig plopped his big, round bottom down, etc...) will work as well.
• There's no need to name the character the one speaking is talking to unless: There are more than two characters in the room and he/she is speaking to someone out of the group specifically, or there's no action tag like: Pig looked at Sabrina.
• When a character uses another character's name in speech, it sounds like a lecture or like one is lording their superiority over the other. Think about how you speak and when you use someone's name.
• We speak in contractions unless we're speaking formally (old English, Historically, etc...). Use them. It'll help. Remember to practice writing in contractions everywhere, not just in your novels. If a character doesn't use contractions, be consistent and don't ever use them. One day, you'll thank me. *wink*
• Watching the rename will help with pronouns. Time for an example! 

If we know Pig and Luke are having a discussion, it might go like this: 
Pig looked at Luke. "So, you're saying I didn't need to sit?"
He answered, "That's exactly what I'm saying."
His tail uncurled and his ears drooped. "I thought I was being good."
This is wrong, wrong, wrong. It creates a pronoun problem. Either you have to rename Pig (which gets irritating to readers if it's done too often) or remove Luke. We know who Pig is talking to because the scene has been set.

How about: 
Pig looked up. "So, you're saying I didn't need to sit?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying."
His tail uncurled and his ears drooped. "I thought I was being good."
Note that Pig was the last male named so the pronoun his is used correctly. There was no need to rename Pig or worry that we couldn't use the pronoun his after we named Luke.

Please, know your action tags and your dialogue tags. Here's a post that will help with that. Some get commas and others get periods. Be sure you're varying what you use. Dingle said, Pig said, Sabrina said, Luke said, Howey said, Dog said, gets redundant and boring after a while. If it's obvious who said it, leave it alone. If you must give a name, use an action tag now and then.

Are you ready to practice flexing your dialogue muscles? Here's the fifth post in a series with links to the previous four: Dialogue Exercises. There are fifteen practice scenarios for you to use. Have some fun, okay?

Did you know these loose rules? Do the examples above help at all?

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

On Writing Scenes

Happy Friday, good people of the blogosphere! Today I'm gonna talk about writing scenes. If you remember, a while back I wrote a post on Showing vs Telling, When Telling is Okay. If you haven't checked that post out, I invite you to do so now. One of the comments that popped up on that post was a question by another writer about specific examples of how to use this technique. Well, grab your pens and notebooks and let's get going!

A collection of scenes in a novel are what bring the story together. Image a spiderweb where each thread is heading toward a central location (your epic ending). Choose one or two of those threads and follow them inward. Now, everywhere they meet at a cross-thread is where a scene occurs. Notice how those scenes gain in number as they reach the central core.

As your characters meander toward that center, there are what I'll call sections of Getting There Prose. These sections aren't intense and the reader gets a good sense of who your character is by what they're doing between scene A and scene B. Sitting and drinking coffee, for example. In these scenes, you're giving your reader a little break from the tension and action. They're also commonly used to lead into the next rise in momentum.

Here's the key: Leave out description. Dull down the five senses ever so slightly.

If Joan is sitting and drinking coffee with her bud Lisa, Joan can look over and notice the girl appears tired without going into a long description of how she looks tired.

Example of telling:
Joan blew the steam off her coffee and looked at Lisa, noticing the dark circles under her eyes. "Girl, you look exhausted."
"I am." She nodded and slumped.

That's dialogue to cut out description and give a coasting feeling to the scene. Your reader expects light conversation to follow and friendly terms.

Let's go the other way. Say this coffee scene isn't what it appears to be. Joan is poisoning Lisa.

Example of showing:
Joan blew the steam off her coffee, inhaling the heady scent of the special Colombian beans she ordered for this encounter, hoping it was strong enough to cover the distinctive almond of the arsenic. She tilted her head up slowly, peering over the rim at her adversary, noting the dark circles under Lisa's eyes and the way she gripped her cup with both hands. "Girl, you look exhausted." It was difficult for Joan to keep her tone light because of the nervous energy radiating through her limbs. Blinking rapidly, she gave a wan smile.
"I am," Lisa croaked out, slumping in her chair and letting out a huge breath in a whoosh. She pushed her too-hot ceramic cup back and stood.

Now, you've engaged all the senses. Smell: coffee, Sight: Lisa's dark circles, Sound: light tone and whoosh, Taste: almond, Touch: too-hot and nervous energy. This is also a place where you don't want to describe the room around them. You should've already put that picture in the reader's head before the ladies ever sat down. When you use description leading up to a tense scene like this, use short sentences. It indicates something's coming.

You've pumped up the scene and the reader expects what?

Either A) For Joan to go bananas because Lisa didn't drink the poisoned coffee, or B) For Joan to pretend to be friendly and hide her anger while trying to get Lisa to drink the coffee.

Either way, it's gonna be a tense situation. We've made it so. Can you cut a lot of that description and get to the same place? Yeah, but the tension is lost.

Example:
Joan blew on her coffee, waiting for Lisa to take a sip of the arsenic-laced concoction. "Girl, you look exhausted."
"I am." Lisa slumped and let out a breath before pushing her cup away and standing.

Same outcome. You know something should happen afterward but the resulting action won't have the same punchy effect on your reader. You haven't built up the tension quite enough.

To fill your novel with scenes that show everything all the time, you're reader will either get too hyped up or they'll start skimming. Skimming is bad. It means your reader has disengaged from your story. Very few writers can pull off a book like Dean Koontz's Intensity.

Remember to vary your sentences and your word usage. Not sure how to do that? I wrote a post on Variation, too. If you missed it, check it out.

Don't forget to pay my featured author of the week a visit! N.L. Greene, author of the highly rated book Twisted, graced me with an interview. You can find that post here.

Thanks so much for stopping by.

Are you familiar with this writing technique?

Next week, I'm going into how to use MS Word to rate your book's tension. Betcha didn't know you could do that, huh? So, come on back for that.

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Checklists for Novels - Part 3 of 3 - Scenes, Dialogue, Complexity, and Character

Happy Wednesday, good people of the blogosphere! Halfway through the week, we are. Wow, the volume of that cheer blew my hair back. Guess you're all looking forward to the three day weekend, huh? Well, I hope you all have a novel you're editing right now and can print these little checklists and make good use of them with your *ahem* time off. Today, you get checklists for scenes, dialogue, complexity (in one), and character (there are three of these). At the end, you'll find a link to a PDF you can download, print, keep, and share! All I ask is that you don't alter it in any way. Thanks! Let's get going!

Scenes

• Do your scenes ebb and flow well?
• Are the four basic happenings taking place?

1. Action - This is the objective of the scene.
2. Reaction - What the emotional state of the protagonist is.
3. More Action - What they do about it.
4. Deepening - This happens only in the most dramatic scenes.

• Do you have a great hook, intensity, and a good setup for the next scene?

Complexity

• What value are you supplying to your reader (values can be life lessons or new opinions)?
• Is there a sub-plot that could be added that would give your protagonist (or antagonist) more depth?
• How will any sub-plots assist you in changing the values of your character?

Dialogue

• Have you used a lot of he said, she said?
• Can you turn any of the dialogue tags into action tags?
• Are you using the proper dialect?
• Contractions. Do you use them?

Characters (this is broken out in the checklists)

• Full Name - First, middle, and last along with any other names they've had along the way.
• Location - Where they live, where they were born, if different, why it changed.
• Age - Includes birthday, zodiac sign, and recent celebrations.
• Physical Description - Height, weight, hair color, eye color, shoe size, skin color, manicure?, pedicure?, hair length, eyebrows (V shaped, bushy, pencil thin, etc...), identifying marks, for women: bra size.
• Mental Description - Self centered, egotistical, timid, brash, vengeful, etc...
• Reasons for Mental Description - What happened in life to make them that way.
• Friends - Other characters. Are they major? Minor? Plot changing?
• Relationships - Spouse, kids, parents - with names and nature of relationship.
• Goals - What their ultimate life goal is.
• Career - What they do or want to do.
• Skills - Any skills they may have.
• Magical Powers - For fantasy or paranormal. Can they shoot fire from their asses? Lightning bolts from their eyes? Levitate? See through peoples' clothing?
• Sexual Orientation - Straight, gay, bisexual, etc...
• Fun - What they do to let their hair down.

Here's the link to the full PDF that has tweaks and little boxes to put checks in: GIMMIE MY FREEBIE!

Enjoy and share!

Have these changed the way you look at your novels?

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Backstory

Happy Thursday, good people of the blogosphere! Today we're gonna talk about backstory and how to introduce it to your reader. There are many ways to accomplish this, and what we want to avoid is the information dump. Don't know what an information dump is? Well, grab those pens and notebooks and let's get going!

An information dump is when you stop the story you're telling to give paragraph upon paragraph of your character's past. This isn't good practice when writing because, usually, the past isn't filled with a lot of tension and can tend to drag along. While you may get one great scene with tension, the rest is oftentimes unnecessary.

So, how can you show a character's past without dumping information on your reader? There are a few ways:

The Flashback
These can happen in little snips of memories brought on by something that's occurring in your character's life or something they see/hear. Just like in real life, certain things bring up items from the past. Don't allow your protagonist to dwell though. Give a little and move on.

Conversation
When one character is talking to another, they'll sometimes talk about life and their past. Use this to insert snips and quips into the storyline. Don't let the conversation drag out too long, and remember to make the speech sound natural. If you have trouble with dialogue, take a look at these exercises on practicing writing dialogue: Dialogue Exercises. You'll find links to fifteen writing exercises on that page.

Contextual Additions
Things you add in the text as you write can show some of a character's past. Whatever action they're engaged in, shoot a sentence of memory through it and allow that to paint your protagonist's past with vivid colors. This also works to show your character's personality.

Other People
Use some of the other people in the story to tell about your character. Have them talk behind the person's back, make remarks, or even react to the protagonist's presence in the room. If people are smiling and hugging your leading lady/man, then you know the others are happy to see that person. When people laugh, jeer, or avoid the main character, it tells the reader something's up and can lead to further discovery in other ways.

Just remember to KISS your reader (Keep It Simple, Stupid), and stay away from too much backstory in a single place. Avoid the blahs.

I hope this reference comes in handy for you all.

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Dialogue Exercises - #5

Happy Friday, good people of the blogosphere! Oh, man, what a week it's been! Busy is always good for a writer though, so I can't complain. Is everyone ready for the weekend? I know I am! Before you take off and grab some R&R, do a dialogue exercise or two and flex your creative brain. You won't be sorry. Today is the last day of pumping brain iron. Next week, and the week after, we'll be going over something that will help you with a final exercise. I'm not gonna ruin it by giving it away now. Come on back Monday and see what's in store! Enough about that, grab those pens and notebooks and let's get going!

If you'd like to check out the first four posts, follow the links below:
Dialogue Exercises - #1
Dialogue Exercises - #2
Dialogue Exercises - #3
Dialogue Exercises - #4

There are fifteen exercises total, three on each day. Remember, each of these workouts calls for at least two pages of dialogue.

Exercise #13: Using dialogue to create sympathy.
Grab a protagonist and antagonist from one of your stories. Throw them into a setting and have them talk about their pasts. Show your reader why they should root for one over the other; or, make your reader feel a little sorry for your antagonist.

Exercise #14: Adding dialogue where you usually wouldn't to amp up the scene.
Put two characters on an island and have them make love. Write what you think they'd say if they were speaking while participating in the act. Use this to garner a deeper understanding of what your characters are feeling as they do something where speech isn't usually the order of the day, to set the scene, or as a surprise to wake your reader up and make them pay attention.

Exercise #15: Revealing obstacles through dialogue.
This time, use yourself. Think of a lofty goal you have and bring someone into the scene who never fails to tell you like it is. Open the scene with that person revealing an obstacle you can't overcome. Focus on your own feelings and how you'd react when you realize your dreams just went down the toilet. Use the rest of the scene to convey the goal to the reader and have them understand why it can't be accomplished no matter what.

I hope these exercises have been useful, and I hope you did at least one of the fifteen. The next ten days are gonna be awesome! Make sure you come on back and check it out. If you'd like these helpful tips delivered to your e-mail inbox every day, subscribe to my blog!

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Dialogue Exercises - #4

Happy Thursday, good people of the blogosphere! I hope you all have a wonderful weekend planned. Just two more days to go now. That's two more days of dialogue exercises. If you want to rush the time along, try doing one or more of these today. Before you know it, it'll be Friday! Grab your pens and notebooks and let's get going!

Again, I won't bore you by repeating myself. If you want to check out days one, two, and three, you can find them here:

Dialogue Exercises - #1
Dialogue Exercises - #2
Dialogue Exercises - #3

Remember, each of these exercises require at least two pages of dialogue.

Exercise #10: Remembering your senses when writing dialogue.
Take a place you've visited that's full of activity and bring it to mind. Put two characters in the midst of it all and have them talk about what's going on around them. Use all five senses as you write so your reader gets a good idea what the place is like. Sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Bring the venue to life on the page. Make one of them blind, if that helps.

Exercise #11: Using dialogue to bring about transformation.
Using the confrontation/response method, create dialogue in which one character gives the other a reason to change. Make it so the protagonist has to look deep within and see something they hadn't before. Your antagonist can be cruel or kind in their observations/opinions, but their words should bring about change.

Exercise #12: Setting tone/voice with dialogue.
Something is in the woods. A mom and daughter are camping, alone. Suddenly, mom feels like they're in danger. Using dialogue, set the tone of the scene. Be true to your characters and really bring forward their fear and Mom's protectiveness over her daughter.

I hope you'll give at least one of these a whirl today. You can't get better if you don't practice! Tomorrow is the last day of dialogue exercises. Next week, I'm going to begin a 10 day series on a very important topic relating to dialogue. Come back every day and see what you find!

Which one of these is your favorite?

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Dialogue Exercises - #3

Happy Hump-Day, good people of the blogosphere! I hope the first half of your week has exceeded expectations and the second half looks promising! Today, we continue with our dialogue exercises! Three more tools to add to your belt to help you on your journey to greatness. Remember, over on INDIE Books Gone Wild, I give a writing class that goes through this and so much more! Grab those pens and notebooks and let's get going!

You can find day one here.
And day two here.

Remember, each of these exercises calls for at least two pages of dialogue.

Exercise #7: Writing telephone dialogue.
Take two of your characters and make them interact over the phone. Stay in one POV. Write both sides of the conversation but omit all hellos and goodbyes. Use assumption to infer what the other character is doing while talking. Make it a heated conversation or put something big at stake. Now go back and write it from the other POV.

Exercise #8: Removing all saids from dialogue.
Write a conversation between two of your characters without using the word said. You may only use actions, thoughts, or observations.

Exercise #9: Killing direct addresses in dialogue.
Go through a passage you've written from above and take out all instances of direct address. Make it work through actions instead.

Example:
"John, did you see that UFO just now?" Marsha screamed.
"No, Marsha, I didn't. I was too busy looking at you."
"But, John, we're at an observatory!"
"I know, Marsha. I am observing," said John.

Change to:
"Did you see that UFO just now?" Marsha screamed.
"No, I didn't. I was too busy looking at you." John's face was slack and his eyes bored into her.
She felt her face get hot. "But we're at an observatory!"
"I know. I am observing."

See how much more natural that sounds?

I do hope you take the time to do at least one of the above exercises. Your manuscript will thank you for it later.

Have any of these worked out for you? Are you trying them?

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Dialogue Exercises - #2

Happy Tuesday, good people of the blogosphere! Today we continue on our journey through dialogue exercises. If you missed post #1, please go back and take a gander here. If not, grab your pens and notebooks and let's get going!

I'm not going to bore you all to tears with a repeat of what I said yesterday. Let's just dive on into the exercises!

Every exercise below calls for at least two pages of dialogue.

Exercise 4: Using dialogue to set mood.
Just like you can use dialogue to set a scene, you can also use it to set a mood. Stick two of your characters in a setting that will enhance the mood and let them discuss what they're seeing or feeling in the moment. For fun, try using a setting you'd never expect to see in your novel and let the dialogue flow. Focus on emotion and try to set the mood with speech rather than scene.

Exercise 5: Adding dialogue to action scenes.
Pull up an action scene you've written where there's little to no dialogue. Read it a couple of times and think about your character as you do. Recall their personality, habits, and opinions. Add no less than sixteen lines of dialogue that convey a few of those habits and opinions. Let their personality shine as you write.

Exercise 6: Increase the suspense with dialogue.
Every character has opinions. Write a scene in which two characters are going head-to-head over action items they believe will garner the desired resolution of the journey. Make it heated but use it to move your story along. Create conflict over something one deems appropriate and the other says will get everyone killed. Decide on an outcome.

Again, I hope you put at least one of these in your pocket and give it a try today. Come on back tomorrow for three more!

What exercises do you use to improve your written dialogue skills?

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

Dialogue Exercises - #1

Happy Monday, good people of the blogosphere! This week we'll be delving into dialogue. I'll give you a total of fifteen exercises (three per day) you can do to make your dialogue stronger. Nothing ruins a great story quite like stilted dialogue, unnatural sounding dialogue, no dialogue at all, or overabundance of conversation. So, grab your pens and notebooks and let's get going!

There are so many different ways to use dialogue to improve story flow. These exercises will help you overcome some of the things that stilt a story. Again, this series is part of the writing class I give over on INDIE Books Gone Wild.

Every exercise below calls for at least two pages of dialogue.

Exercise 1: Using dialogue to reveal setting.
Take two characters you've used in a past novel and throw them into a scene together. Only using dialogue, reveal to the reader what setting the characters are in. I'm asking you to use two characters you've written before so you have an idea of the types of things they'll notice. You may want to throw in a conflict here and have them argue about where they are. As another option, perhaps it's a place neither have been before and they're exclaiming over things they see. Remember, be gradual. No information dumps. What would they say?

Exercise 2: Using dialogue to reveal or convey feelings.
Write a conflict scene between two characters you've written that love one another. Do it from one person's POV then switch. Betrayed to betrayer. Feel what they're feeling and use it.

Exercise 3: Weaving dialogue, action, and narrative together.
Using one of the reveal scenes from above, go back and add action to the scene. Put in little facial clues or gestures to show the reader more. Try adding a narrator to the scene. Where would they comment on what's going on? Now cut 1/4 of the dialogue and let the action be the revealing element. Read for flow.

There are a number of things you can use dialogue to do. Rather than giving your reader a couple of paragraphs about the setting, give them lines where the character reacts to what he/she is seeing. Avoid the information dump.

I hope you enjoyed this post and did at least one of the exercises. Come on back tomorrow for more!

Well, that's all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo